An open letter to Chicago Bear fans

Dear Fans,

If you're reading this, you probably already know: your beloved football team lost to the Houston Texans today (31-24), thus denying them a playoff spot.

Now, I have never been a Bears fan. Though, when Brett Favre left Green Bay for good, I vowed to, at the very least "not hate" the Bears so much. I went as far as saying I would be a fan once, but I'm pretty sure I was under the influence of alcohol, drugs or a Voodoo curse. However, I am not a big NFL fan at all any longer, so I am going to try to remain unbiased throughout this letter.

First of all, if you are a Bear fan, chances are you were born, lived in, or moved to Chicago (or surrounding area) at some point in your life. It's also very likely that you have been a Bear fan all of your life, you have fond memories the Superbowl (winning) team, you agree that no one will ever match up to Coach Ditka, and you despise the Green Bay Packers (and fans) more than any other professional sports team, ever.

Yes, you my friend are a true fan, and I admire that. I can not judge who you root for (unless it is when your team is playing mine), as long as your rooting with passion. Now, like I said I gave up on the Pack this year. About three years ago I started giving up on the NFL entirely. Egos, six-figure salaries, and crime just don't go along with football very well. I prefer NCAA sports, where the athletes not only don't get paid, but also get kicked off the team for poor conduct and bad judgment. Anyhow, sidetracking...

The Bears put on a decent performance today. The offense was actually looking like they needed to score points to win a football game. Kyle Orton threw two touchdown passes and had no interceptions, and he made some ballsy plays that paid off. He must have turned his headset off because throwing the ball to Devon Hester, in double coverage, nearly halfway down the field, is not in any play Ron Turner is aware of. In a post-game interview I heard Lovie Smith say he didn't even know that the rules allowed for such a pass.

The Bears dumb luck was working beyond capacity as well. The Defense got a chance to score on a fumble...? Incomplete pass? I dunno, let's stare blankly at the refs who didn't blow a whistle or stop the clock and then run with it. Good thinkin.

Unfortunately, dumb mistakes were also in plentiful supply. The Windy City fumbler, err I mean flyer, has incredible legs, but the same can't be said for his hands, or his head. Falling face first to the turf instead of taking on the defenders says only one thing to me: pussy. And his buddy, Daniel Manning couldn't seem to keep his hands on the ball either, leading to a turnover that could have been the difference.

The Bears defense is not good. It never has been. It's entirely overrated, and it always has been. It was not good the Superbowl (losing) year, not last year, not this year. Take a look at the stats folks (and numbers don't lie); the team is ranked 21st in the league in overall defense (total average yards allowed per game). They give up points, lots of points. The secondary (30th in the league) might as well blitz every play. The line, usually ranked in the top 5 in the league, never showed up today. The team should look into cloning Brian Urlacher ten or so times.

The good news:
Robbie Gould went 26/29 in field goal attempts this season. Trade him!
They beat the Packers - Lovie Smith's TOP priority since joining the organization. Winning other games? Eh...
It took three seasons, and the same amount of QBs but the team may have found a decent one.
9-7 would have put you in the playoffs if you were in the NFC West!
We don't have to hear any more Jeff Joniak for like 8 months.

Bear fans, you act like this was unexpected. It boggles my mind. Being a Cub fan, I can understand the die-hard loyalty and belief in a team, but when your head coach is a total QB Schizo who constantly looks confused... come on! You can't tell me that this wasn't going to happen. I'm surprised they won 9 games!

Don't try to rationalize this with me. Don't try to tell me "well, they should have won the Atlanta game and..."
Yeah, shoulda, woulda, coulda! Five of their seven losses could have been wins? Well, 9 of 9 of their wins could have been losses.

Quit wasting your time with this ridiculous team. I know the whole NFL got turned upside down this year: Tom Brady out for the season (but New England still managed 11 wins), Detroit not winning a game while last years' 1-15 Miami team clinched their division this go around, etc etc...
But the Bears suck. They have some talent, don't get me wrong, but it's not in the right places. They have Quarterback identity issues, TERRIBLE management(from the top down), and no cheerleaders!!! (It's an outrage!)

So fans, pack up that Bears hat, the sweatshirts, the t-shirts, your lucky Bears scarf, the punky QB headband that still smells of 1986, and forget any of this happened. As a matter of fact, just throw it all in the fireplace and use it to keep warm (and cut down on energy costs).

Now, take that mall gift card you got from Grandma and head to Champs to purchase as much Blackhawks gear as possible before it all sells out!

Your caring pal,

Ryan