I'm titling this post AFTER I write it. I have discovered that when I title my entry BEFORE I write it, I typically end up with something that resembles a self-fulfilling prophecy "poser" post, instead of a straight up blog entry.
I'm currently listening to some "Brainwave Mind Voyages III" which is supposed to make me high or something. Good news is, I'm already feeling good, so no need for this BS crap (that's redundant), but time for some good tunes...
Ah, the sweet sound of Erin Fein's voice. Headlights it is. Along with a smoke.
Man, I love Anthropology. I just watched some program (what am I, 91 years old?) on TLC about the "science of attraction." It was good - simply put. It totally tripped me out. All sorts of stuff about the science (chemical reactions in the brain, etc.) initial attraction, being "in love," staying "in love," monogamy, sociological shit, psychological shit...
But it all got me thinking. I was thinking about science verses [insert a non-existent word here] which led me to thinking about nature v. nurture, church v. sate, Row v. Wade, and the like. It got me thinking about thinking, about Einstein, about the theory of relativity and for each action...
I used to think everything that was right, was wrong. Now every time i think I'm right, I'm wrong. (a recent tweet - edited for error)
An equal and opposite reaction.
For every nowhere, a somewhere. For everyone, a no one. For every sample, a dead end. For every child, a non-parent. For every time I screwed up, an opportunity to make it better. For every loss, another chance. For every next time, a regret. An opposite, BUT equal reaction. Not AND. It's what makes us Human.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Random INSANITY
As if there is another kind of insanity...
God damn, what a weekend. I thank my friend Steel Reserve. Without your affordability and 8.1% ABV, I don't think I would be writing this right now.
Drama, drama, drama... dogs, dogs, dogs... that describes my weekend pretty well.
You think you have a handle on a situation, and all of a sudden everything blows up in your face. You think you know somebody, and then they go and throw you a curve ball. You are happy one minute, and confused, lonely and scared the next. I don't think - even if I had the choice - that I would have it any other way. I crave this chaos. Without it, life is boring. I just wish Jim was here to back me up on that.
That's what I love most about living with Jimbo - he gets it. I just wish he didn't work at 6AM every fucking day, so that we could stay up late making ou- I mean, talking... No, for serious, talking (we're not gay).
Ugh, I knew I had things to blog about, but my mind is blank right now. Maybe be back later...
God damn, what a weekend. I thank my friend Steel Reserve. Without your affordability and 8.1% ABV, I don't think I would be writing this right now.
Drama, drama, drama... dogs, dogs, dogs... that describes my weekend pretty well.
You think you have a handle on a situation, and all of a sudden everything blows up in your face. You think you know somebody, and then they go and throw you a curve ball. You are happy one minute, and confused, lonely and scared the next. I don't think - even if I had the choice - that I would have it any other way. I crave this chaos. Without it, life is boring. I just wish Jim was here to back me up on that.
That's what I love most about living with Jimbo - he gets it. I just wish he didn't work at 6AM every fucking day, so that we could stay up late making ou- I mean, talking... No, for serious, talking (we're not gay).
Ugh, I knew I had things to blog about, but my mind is blank right now. Maybe be back later...
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Like a rolling stone
I'm not in the mood to debate about Twitter yet (so, Noah, it's first come first serve I guess), but I am in the mood to write about something else.
I just realized - well not really, but finally decided to write about it: I have never been a "part" of anything. I mean, I had my groups (plural) of friends in high school, I have held jobs where I felt like "part of the crowd" (but mostly just at work), with the one exception being Petsmart, which as you probably know, was fairly short-lived.
I'm a drifter I guess you could say. Since high school I have never lived in the same place for more than two years. I have lost touch with a lot of friends over the years, I suppose we all have. But, I miss a lot of those friends. Who knows? Maybe some day I'll reconnect with them, like I have with several in the past. I like having a lot of friends from different walks of life, different places and different cliques, but I think it has prevented me from getting close with a lot of people that could have made a positive impact on my life.
Maybe it's a fear of commitment? After all, I did leave the suburbs (twice) where my solid core of "close friends" were. They all wanted me to stay, but I think they really just wanted was best for me. They even pointed out that they were being selfish by asking me to stay.
The first time I left, it was for a girl, Jessica. I may have pretended it was for my future, which in a way it was, but not in the way I was tricking myself into believing. The second time, it was to get away from the same girl... again, in a way. There were other minor reasons in play; my roommate, my new friends, potential jobs... I'm still not even completely sure why I came back down here to Champaign. I do know that something inside of me just missed it down here. Geographic solution to an emotional problem? Perhaps. But I think (and hope) it's going to work out down here. I don't even know why I hope so, not entirely at least. I guess it's just different down here - not too suburban, not too country, and just enough city.
But, after all, I'm on Plan Z, which means I have to make something work down here. The good news is that I have two potential jobs that could lead to very good things. The first of which, I have an interview for tomorrow afternoon. The second, next week. I really, really hope that they work out, so I can get my ass back on track, possibly taking classes again, and start working towards a life I actually WANT to live - not just one that gets me through the day to day.
However, I have strayed from the point. Being part of something...
Maybe it's a good thing that I have never been a "part" of something. First of all, I am a natural born leader, and secondly... oh god, here comes the Ram Dass... secondly, I am what some would refer to as a "free spirit." Or at least, I wish I was. I strive for that. I think it's worth fighting for.
I want to tell you all more about Ram Dass, but you're best bet is to just Wiki or Google that name and you'll get the gist. Basically, he sees us all as souls. His crazy acid/mushroom trips led him to enlightenment, which is where I hope to be, sans drugs.
If I could paraphrase his thoughts (which I can't, but I will try), we are all part of something, but not the things we label ourselves with. I may be a son, a brother, a liberal, a generation-X male... but none of this really matters, because I AM ME. And you are you. Alive or dead, we have our relationships with others. (Again, this might be kind of deep and confusing without understanding Dass and his writings and teachings.) But to try to sum it up (once again), you are a soul who never dies. The relationships you have with others, will never die. They will be passed on to others, and no one is EVER gone, just elsewhere, if that.
Be here now. Listen to your emotions. Listen to your heart, your soul, your mind, yourself. Be here now.
I just realized - well not really, but finally decided to write about it: I have never been a "part" of anything. I mean, I had my groups (plural) of friends in high school, I have held jobs where I felt like "part of the crowd" (but mostly just at work), with the one exception being Petsmart, which as you probably know, was fairly short-lived.
I'm a drifter I guess you could say. Since high school I have never lived in the same place for more than two years. I have lost touch with a lot of friends over the years, I suppose we all have. But, I miss a lot of those friends. Who knows? Maybe some day I'll reconnect with them, like I have with several in the past. I like having a lot of friends from different walks of life, different places and different cliques, but I think it has prevented me from getting close with a lot of people that could have made a positive impact on my life.
Maybe it's a fear of commitment? After all, I did leave the suburbs (twice) where my solid core of "close friends" were. They all wanted me to stay, but I think they really just wanted was best for me. They even pointed out that they were being selfish by asking me to stay.
The first time I left, it was for a girl, Jessica. I may have pretended it was for my future, which in a way it was, but not in the way I was tricking myself into believing. The second time, it was to get away from the same girl... again, in a way. There were other minor reasons in play; my roommate, my new friends, potential jobs... I'm still not even completely sure why I came back down here to Champaign. I do know that something inside of me just missed it down here. Geographic solution to an emotional problem? Perhaps. But I think (and hope) it's going to work out down here. I don't even know why I hope so, not entirely at least. I guess it's just different down here - not too suburban, not too country, and just enough city.
But, after all, I'm on Plan Z, which means I have to make something work down here. The good news is that I have two potential jobs that could lead to very good things. The first of which, I have an interview for tomorrow afternoon. The second, next week. I really, really hope that they work out, so I can get my ass back on track, possibly taking classes again, and start working towards a life I actually WANT to live - not just one that gets me through the day to day.
However, I have strayed from the point. Being part of something...
Maybe it's a good thing that I have never been a "part" of something. First of all, I am a natural born leader, and secondly... oh god, here comes the Ram Dass... secondly, I am what some would refer to as a "free spirit." Or at least, I wish I was. I strive for that. I think it's worth fighting for.
I want to tell you all more about Ram Dass, but you're best bet is to just Wiki or Google that name and you'll get the gist. Basically, he sees us all as souls. His crazy acid/mushroom trips led him to enlightenment, which is where I hope to be, sans drugs.
If I could paraphrase his thoughts (which I can't, but I will try), we are all part of something, but not the things we label ourselves with. I may be a son, a brother, a liberal, a generation-X male... but none of this really matters, because I AM ME. And you are you. Alive or dead, we have our relationships with others. (Again, this might be kind of deep and confusing without understanding Dass and his writings and teachings.) But to try to sum it up (once again), you are a soul who never dies. The relationships you have with others, will never die. They will be passed on to others, and no one is EVER gone, just elsewhere, if that.
Be here now. Listen to your emotions. Listen to your heart, your soul, your mind, yourself. Be here now.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
This, that and MORE SWINE FLU!
I have a sneaking suspicion that my computer is on it's last leg. After seven long years of trusty service, good ol' Bessy Lou is showing some signs of aging.
But no worries, Bessy... Ryan can't afford a new porn machine right now, so we'll just have to get through this together.
On a better note, I finally got two calls back from potential employers and have interviews scheduled for this week and next - REAL jobs. The sooner I can leave Papa John's, the better. And going back to retail would make me so very happy (and Jim too, so he won't have to break my legs). We have one of those thermometer goal thingys on the fridge that reads "Ryan's Save-A-Limb Fund." Basically it shows me making slow, but steady progress in back rent payments. I gotta say, I got one hell of a roommate who is putting up with my BS very well while I get back on my feet.
One other bit of good news! I have been in touch with Seth Fein, an editor at Smile Politely, a music/culture blog down here in C-U, and he is interested in bringing me on as a music writer or editor. I'm pretty certain it's an unpaid thing, but it's a fairly respectable and recognized site that would look good on any resume.
Back to the bad news... Jim's grandmother passed away yesterday afternoon, so he is back in the burbs for awhile. This time he left me with both pups, which is actually better than just one because they wear each other out, thus requiring less energy on my part. But this weekend, I'm watching some friends' German Sheppards, so I'll have a whole house full of canine insanity. Again, it works out pretty well because the big dogs kick the little ones asses and keep them in line.
One final life update: The past few days I have felt some sort of disease sneaking up on me - minor sore throat, headache, etc... but very, very minor. Perhaps my theory of "a few beers a day keeps the doctor away," is more accurate than real doctors tell me. Money-hungry bastards. Maybe it's pig flu and I found a cure....
But no worries, Bessy... Ryan can't afford a new porn machine right now, so we'll just have to get through this together.
On a better note, I finally got two calls back from potential employers and have interviews scheduled for this week and next - REAL jobs. The sooner I can leave Papa John's, the better. And going back to retail would make me so very happy (and Jim too, so he won't have to break my legs). We have one of those thermometer goal thingys on the fridge that reads "Ryan's Save-A-Limb Fund." Basically it shows me making slow, but steady progress in back rent payments. I gotta say, I got one hell of a roommate who is putting up with my BS very well while I get back on my feet.
One other bit of good news! I have been in touch with Seth Fein, an editor at Smile Politely, a music/culture blog down here in C-U, and he is interested in bringing me on as a music writer or editor. I'm pretty certain it's an unpaid thing, but it's a fairly respectable and recognized site that would look good on any resume.
Back to the bad news... Jim's grandmother passed away yesterday afternoon, so he is back in the burbs for awhile. This time he left me with both pups, which is actually better than just one because they wear each other out, thus requiring less energy on my part. But this weekend, I'm watching some friends' German Sheppards, so I'll have a whole house full of canine insanity. Again, it works out pretty well because the big dogs kick the little ones asses and keep them in line.
One final life update: The past few days I have felt some sort of disease sneaking up on me - minor sore throat, headache, etc... but very, very minor. Perhaps my theory of "a few beers a day keeps the doctor away," is more accurate than real doctors tell me. Money-hungry bastards. Maybe it's pig flu and I found a cure....
Monday, May 4, 2009
Dear Champaign
Dear Champaign,
I'm glad I came back. I've decided that I'm neither a city nor a country boy - I'm a Champaign boy, at least for now.
You're a perfect fit: not too crazy, not too dull, though you can be both. You're not as ridiculously naive as the suburbs, but not extremely overrated and overprices, like the city. You're Champaign! And I love that about you.
You're far enough away from St. Louis, but close enough to Chicago... and even closer to Indy! If I need some space, some fresh air, or just to gaze at the stars all night, I'm only a 20 minute drive away.
You've got crime and drama, but you also got bars and women by the dozens.
You took me away from my friends, but introduced me to new ones.
Your population may decrease every May, but the Federal government doesn't need to know about that. Anybody in their right mind would stay for the Summers you host. Hell, the bars are less crowded with idiots and the cover charges are nonexistent.
And Champaign - if everything else about you fails, and I find myself lonely and homeless, at least I'll have your park benches to sleep on, your sweet smells to breath in and your hospitality.
Forever Yours,
Ryan
I'm glad I came back. I've decided that I'm neither a city nor a country boy - I'm a Champaign boy, at least for now.
You're a perfect fit: not too crazy, not too dull, though you can be both. You're not as ridiculously naive as the suburbs, but not extremely overrated and overprices, like the city. You're Champaign! And I love that about you.
You're far enough away from St. Louis, but close enough to Chicago... and even closer to Indy! If I need some space, some fresh air, or just to gaze at the stars all night, I'm only a 20 minute drive away.
You've got crime and drama, but you also got bars and women by the dozens.
You took me away from my friends, but introduced me to new ones.
Your population may decrease every May, but the Federal government doesn't need to know about that. Anybody in their right mind would stay for the Summers you host. Hell, the bars are less crowded with idiots and the cover charges are nonexistent.
And Champaign - if everything else about you fails, and I find myself lonely and homeless, at least I'll have your park benches to sleep on, your sweet smells to breath in and your hospitality.
Forever Yours,
Ryan
Awaiting debate...
...in the meantime (while Noah gets his shit together so we can debate about Twitter), I guess I should keep this thing updated.
First off, I watched "The Fountain" last night, and I just want to say that it was one trippy film. If I ever watch it again, I'll either be completely sober or wiggin' on shrooms... most likely the latter.
Second order of business: Twitter is growing exponentially! I love that I was one of the first few thousand to join, lol. You best be following me: http://www.twitter.com/ryanbroham
Oh, so Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone! But more importantly, Happy 21st to my favorite sister! (technically my only sister, technically) Be safe Courtney! Nah, eff that, have fun!
Anyhow, I'm in crazy ADD blogging mode right now, so I'll most likely be back soon... hopefully by then Noah starts debating.
First off, I watched "The Fountain" last night, and I just want to say that it was one trippy film. If I ever watch it again, I'll either be completely sober or wiggin' on shrooms... most likely the latter.
Second order of business: Twitter is growing exponentially! I love that I was one of the first few thousand to join, lol. You best be following me: http://www.twitter.com/ryanbroham
Oh, so Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone! But more importantly, Happy 21st to my favorite sister! (technically my only sister, technically) Be safe Courtney! Nah, eff that, have fun!
Anyhow, I'm in crazy ADD blogging mode right now, so I'll most likely be back soon... hopefully by then Noah starts debating.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Time to debate!
So, Noah- my good buddy and fellow blogger, have decided to have a blog debate (in lieu of better blog ideas).
First topic: Twitter
Moderator: Ryan Peters
I'm debating on behalf of Twitter, Noah against it.
If you're unfamiliar with Twitter, you'll probably side with Noah, but you can familiarize yourself here and here.
I just want to point out pre-debate, that I was once a Twitter skeptic, much like Noah. Once I gave it a shot however, back in November of 2007, I slowly but surely became a fan.
Anyhow, get ready for some intense debating!
First topic: Twitter
Moderator: Ryan Peters
I'm debating on behalf of Twitter, Noah against it.
If you're unfamiliar with Twitter, you'll probably side with Noah, but you can familiarize yourself here and here.
I just want to point out pre-debate, that I was once a Twitter skeptic, much like Noah. Once I gave it a shot however, back in November of 2007, I slowly but surely became a fan.
Anyhow, get ready for some intense debating!
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