if ya wanna know me better, you should probably read this

I have convinced myself otherwise, but the fact of the matter is that I really don't hate my life. I've confessed the opposite to my own Mother countless times. But the truth is that my life is pretty kickass. The only thing I remotely dislike about my life - strike that - the only thing I dislike about life is how mundane it can be.

In other words, I despise how pathetic most peoples lives are. No offense, peoples.

For the past ten years (or so) my life has been anything but predictable. And I love it. I truly am in love with the idea of waking up every morning not knowing if I will live to see the sunset. For me, right now, in this stage of my life, this is the only way to live. You might find this entirely depressing, or even despicable. I pity those of you who agree with that statement. But don't take this the wrong way. It's not like I rise every morning with a death wish. I just live my life as simply as possible.

The day I wake up and know exactly how my day will play out will most likely be the day that I die. Spontaneity has been the constant theme of my "adult" life.

Many of you will argue that by doing this I am not being an "adult," but in my 26 years on this planet I have come to the realization that one can only be happy in the present tense: Adult, child, retard or otherwise.

Let me break this down for you...
For most of 2009 I have been living in (dwelling on) the past. I've recently realized how ridiculous this is. I will NEVER get back together with my ex. My Mother and Father will NEVER fall back in love, divorce their respective spouses and remarry (each other). And my beloved 2003 VW Golf will not mysteriously resurrect itself in my nonexistent driveway.

Likewise, I cannot wish, or even plan for my future. There are too many outside variables that will most definitely come into play. I could win the lottery tomorrow. I have a better chance of getting struck by lightning (even in December in Chicago - look it up, seriously).

I've always excelled at math, but I've been a pretty unreasonable person for most of my life. This has been both a curse and a blessing (and in a handful of cases, a blessing in disguise).

With that said, I'll leave you with this:

I don't know where my life is going, and I honestly don't care that much. I don't know where I will be living a year from now, much less a month or week from now. (As of today I do not have a "place of residency.")

I do know this: I love writing, probably more than I love living. But, in order to write I must live. (I also - recent find - love reading, mostly because it inspires my writing.)

But right now (at 3:13 AM) there are noises upstairs, and I must live in the present tense and see what is up. Plus, I have to pee. So I must bid you farewell.

This has undoubtedly been my favorite blog post to date. It ranks within the top 5 of most honest as well. I hope someone gets something out of this mindless rant. I know I will.

2009: Part 1

Time for the Best and Worst Moments of 2009.

I'm sick and tired of voting and writing about the best music of the year. I really didn't see enough films to throw in my two cents about the best in cinema. TV is something that happens in the background while I'm a) drinking, b) writing or c) thinking about drinking and writing (while listening to music). Considering I don't read enough, I am left with very few things to rank regarding the year that (almost) was. So, without further ado, my personal top 10 moments and/or memories that shaped my year (pending nothing crazy-awesome or horrific happens in the next 5 days, which is actually more than likely).

There's good news and there's bad news... and then more bad news. Which do you want first?

Worst Moment of 2009 #10 - IRS Audit
Yeah, it happened. Back in, er... some month of this year I received a letter in the mail that informed me that I owed the Federal Government some money. No, I did not cheat on my taxes, nor did I "forget" to pay them. I (in all honesty) forgot to report my (prepare for contradictory phrase) unemployment wages. And this was all ab out timing. In a "normal" year this wouldn't even make the list, but it was the icing on the shitcake that was 2009. Yes, I just said shitcake.

Best Moment of 2009 #10 - Jeff Tweedy in concert
My friend Chris had purchased a ticket for me. Last minute, I couldn't get the day off work. Then that crazy thing called Karma stepped in: Long story short, I had a misprinted version of my work schedule which made me an hour late, thus resulting in me getting sent home and allowing me to see Tweedy. Best, worst mistake EVER. Ranks in the Top 5 shows of all time.

Worst Moment #9 - New Years Eve embarrassment
Thinking I had a shot with a co-worker, I attended the striking blonds NYE party. Unfortunately she was not ready for a midnight kiss, resulting in TOTAL drunken embarrassment for me. Thankfully my other coworkers stood by me and dismissed aforementioned blond as a crazy bitch.

Best Moment #9 - DROID
Hate to say it... kinda, but this phone has really changed my life.

Worst Moment #8 - Leaving my campus apartment
If you ever rent an apartment in Champaign: DO NOT rent from the University Group. Those MFs really screwed me over. Nuf said.

Best Moment #8 - You're lookin' at it! (blogging)
And writing in general I suppose. While compiling this list I looked back at all of my posts from 2009 and realized that I am a big fan of myself. I like... strike that, LOVE my writing. Lol, but mostly I love being able to look back at my writing, or my life you could say. It's kinda fun, among other things. I highly recommend that everyone blog or at least keep a journal - some form of self-recollection/preservation.

Worst Moment #7 - My breakup with Jess (pt.1)
Technically this happened in 2008, but the whole thing stretched out long enough that it ruined the first few months of 2009. Details later...

Best Moment #7 - Pygmalion Music Festival
Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.

Worst Moment #6 - Getting hit by a car while biking home from Pygmalion
Hit and run after the first night of Pygmalion. Sucked. Hurt. Left some badass scars. The chicks dig 'em.

Best Moment #6 - Being Single
When you flirt (or sleep) with other woman you don't feel so guilty if you're single. Just kidding. Not really. Well, kind of. Being single was pretty sweet at first, but all of a sudden you miss the companionship. Then you meet someone new. Then she runs off on you. God damn Karma.

Stay tuned for the Top 5...

Who the hell is Wesley Willis?

A number of years ago (pre-youtube days) my brother was listening to this awful yet awkwardly contagious song, which to the best of my recollection he downloaded via Limewire (or maybe even Napster. lol, Napster.)

"I kicked Batman's ass. I kicked Batman's ass... Rock over London. Rock on Chicago."

WTF!?

My brother went on to play me "Rock n' Roll McDonalds" while explaining that this was some homeless guy who performs with his keyboard on the streets of Chicago. His name was Wesley Willis.

We downloaded a bunch more of this "music" which included a handful of songs about bestiality (sucking camels dicks and such) and many more that ended with a corporate slogan ("Taco John's: A whole lot of Mexican"). The Wesley Willis craze lasted a couple of weeks, tops, and all was soon forgotten.

If this were to happen today, I of course would "Wiki that shit" and discover that Wesley Willis was not a homeless man whop performed on the streets of Chicago, but rather s self-proclaimed Rock 'n Roll star and artist who toured the country playing both solo and with his punk band, the Wesley Willis Fiasco. In addition, Willis would sell his drawings after the shows, and actually made some pretty decent cash. Oh, and did I mention he was schizophrenic?

Anyhow, there is a whole lot out there to learn about this guy. I stumbled across a documentary about Wesley Willis on Pitchfork and have posted the introduction below (which is now a different video). I highly recommend watching the whole thing, if you find yourself with 77 minutes of free time.


Intro fromWesley Willis's Joyrides

Norah Jones covers Wilco, gets remixed by the Beastie Boys

Pitchfork informed me of this fun news, so I thought I'd share. I'm not a huge Norah Jones fan, but her collaborations with Ryan Adams, Jack White and others have always impressed me, as do these two little gems...

That's What I Said remix can be heard here.

Jesus, etc cover

Random Thoughts (from the burbs)

I'm sitting here in the rented house of my brother and sister. It is a mess. Toilets don't flush, beer bottles fill nearly every inch of elevated surface area, and it appears that the battery gnome has made his rounds (I can't find a single remote control that works).

But I'm back in Bartlett. I just spent about three hours hanging out with some of the best friends anyone could ever have, whom I do not see or even talk to nearly enough anymore. It was nice, really nice.

I told myself I would take full advantage of my time off work (a mere three days, so every moment counts). Thus far I have stuck to my word. It was not at all how I expected to spend my Black Wednesday; it was actually much better than I expected. And as I type this, only one of the four inhabitants of this dwelling (my sister) have returned from their nights of mayhem. So, who knows what will come of the rest of the evening (early morning).

Tomorrow of course, is obligatory family time, which I'm actually looking forward to. Afterward however, I might get another chance to hang out with my friends. Maybe go see a movie or just chill. Rock!

Friday, I'm in love...
With the Turkey Tourney. It should be a real blast this year, as always. I get to see so many of the people I love. Unfortunately I might have a run in with the ex (and possibly her new boy). I really don't mind, though my sister has vowed to ban her from attending. I have such a great sister, lol.

Anyhow, this post was what was promised: random thoughts. Maybe I'll have something more organized to post later. Until then...

I really hate bad advertising/Apple/AT&T

Not something I usually write about, but nonetheless, something that really honks me off, bad advertising. This can be print, internet, radio or television. Whether it is misleading, false, pompous, cliche or just plain stupid, it's all over the place and it bugs the hell out of me.

For instance, the new AT&T TV ad campaign featuring Luke Wilson. He's standing in front of an easel with a checklist on it. It's got two columns (AT&T and Verizon) and a list of features including Speed, Smartphones, Talk and Surf and Apps. Wilson talks a bit about each feature: AT&T has the nation's fastest 3g network, it has the most popular smartphones, it's the only network where you can talk and surf the web at the same time and it has over 100,000 apps. After checking all of the boxes in the AT&T column, he goes on to check one in the Verizon column and says "[the network] that starts with a V." (Ha.) At the end there is also a website posted: www.thetruthabout3g.com which redirects to www.att.com/thetruthabout3g, which is essentially a web version of the commercial sans Luke Wilson.

This commercial is an obvious rebuttal to Verizon's "got a map for that" ad, which was actually kind of clever. On the redirected web page, AT&T seems to take a jab at the Droid as well, stating all the things AT&T does/has and that Verizon does not.

Now, I have no problem with competitive advertising. If I'm going to point fingers I might as well point one at Verizon, who started it, with their Droid and "map for that" ads. However both Verizon ads were clear, accurate and truthful.

At&T might have the fastest 3g network. I don't know, I don't even know or care to look up what 3g stands for. I do know that it's almost always on my phone (a Droid from Verizon) in the top right corner, next to a signal strength icon that is almost always half full or better. (The 3g icon is replaced by a wifi icon when I enter a hotspot.) Now, living in a densely populated area, this is no surprise to me. But should I take a trip up to the suburbs, I pass through a lot of cornfields. And cornfields mean less population density, which, on AT&T means no 3g service, but on Verizon means I'm covered.

I have friends and colleagues who own iphones and have to turn the 3g off most of the time because they can't get service and the device constantly searching for service drains the battery. I also know a couple of people who have gone from the iphone to the Droid and love the coverage they now have with Verizon. (They also happen to like the Droid a whole lot better than the iphone.)

So, even if we assume that AT&T has the fastest 3g coverage, the fact is their coverage sucks in comparison to Verizon's.

AT&T's second claim, having the most popular smartphones, is such a loaded statement. First off, "the most popular" doesn't mean shit. Was the most popular kid in school the smartest? No. Was the most popular choice for President in 2002 and 2004 the right choice. No. Was the most popular Beatle the most talented? No. But, I'll give it to AT&T, they do have the most popular smartphones: the Apple iPhone 3G and the Apple iPhone 3GS. Oh, and the refurbished versions. After that AT&T has a couple of Blackberrys that are even worth looking at and then a bunch of crappy Nokia's and whatnot. Just check out their site and you'll see what I mean. I've been hating on Apple for years, and while the ipod, the iphone and the ipod touch have all impressed me, I have always thought that they overrated. So, suck it Apple.

So while the whole popularity thing got me goin', it was the next statement that really pissed me off: AT&T is the only network that lets you talk and surf the web at the same time. WHO DOES THAT!?!?! Seriously, I'm all for multitasking but it is nearly impossible for most humans to talk on the phone (and have any idea what the other person is saying) while surfing the web, let alone on a cell phone! And I suppose you would have to be on speakerphone for this feature to work anyhow. I work at a grocery store where I see people on their cell phones all day long everyday, and not once have I seen someone googling, facebooking, tweeting or wiki-ing anything while chatting with their friend or family member. It's hard enough for them to point to the donut they want while on the damn phone. Small, stupid victory AT&T. I award you -1 points.

But here is your chance to make up some points, AT&T. You have over 100,000 apps - ten times that of the Android OS. But from what I understand these apps can only be used on phones manufactured by Apple. Well, Android is running on more than ten times more phones than Apple offers. And as an Android user, I have searched the Marketplace plenty of times and seen many, MANY repeated apps. So I went online and searched for iphone apps and saw basically the same thing. Hundreds of apps for farts, jokes and bible verses. Not one single thing caught my eye and made me think wow, I wish Android offer an app like that. So, really you could have a million more apps than me, and if there are no new, unique ones, I could care less.

So, there's my rant. I really had to do this. I'm sick of bad advertising, REALLY tired of AT&T and like previously stated, I've always hated Apple. And this was fun.

Hopefully in the future I can critique some more ad campaigns. In the meantime, what are some commercials or advertisements that get you steamed?

The Tourney: A Brief History, part 1

Finally, finally, we have the details in place for the 6th Annual Turkey Tourney. It feels really good.

In case you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, the Turkey Tourney is an annual event that started back in 2004. I was living with my best pal, Ryan Peters or "kid" as we endearingly referred to each other. We had a two bedroom apartment in Lisle, IL with a 19" TV and a Nintendo 64 with a handful of games, the best of them: Mario Kart 64.

We played nearly everyday; after school and work, there was nothing like coming home to "the R&R" and unwinding with a couple of dozen races on the N64. He was always DK and I was always Bowser. Our favorite track, Bowser's Castle, backwards.

Peters dominated. Of the few thousand races we probably played, he easily won 90% of them. But with every loss, the competition became more intense. I'm sure he got more of a kick out of it than I did.

Anyhow, seeing as that we were two of the oldest of our group of friends and pretty much the only to have an apartment, we were the hosts of frequent parties. At said parties, Mario Kart quickly became the standby for entertainment (in between dance parties and impromptu singalongs). One thing led to another and by November, just three short months after the establishment of the R&R, we thought up the idea of the Turkey Tourney.

Everyone would be back from school for Thanksgiving break. No one had work or any other obligations other than eating turkey, hanging out with family and watching football the next day. It made perfect sense. Let's get everyone together and place some Mario Kart!

We drew up some handmade invites, headed to Kinko's to make copies and drove mailbox to mailbox informing our friends of our get together...