Being underemployed, broke, single and uninsured sure does suck.
I am almost out of things to sell. (My organs go next.)
I went from being single, to getting back with my ex, to being single once again, to kinda not knowing what was going on, then losing not only my girlfriend, but our friendship as well, and finally back to complicated... all in the course of a week. (Even Facebook couldn't keep up.)
I went to fill a prescription for much much needed anti-depressants/anxiety meds today, only to realize shit, I have no insurance!
I am working this bull shit part-time jobs that are just getting me by. Meanwhile I'm so far behind I don't know when I'll ever catch up...
Oh and on top of all that I was arrested a couple weeks ago on a warrant, had to pay $2,000 bail and have to go to court next week in Cook county. The suburbs just won't let me be.
But enough about that. Maybe we'll get back to it later.
I don't think anybody has been reading the blog lately, but then again, no one has really been writing it either. My short entries via text/picture message are hardly worth taking a look at. But the obvious reason for this stems from the above bull shit. I have hardly been in the mood to think, let alone write about anything worthwhile. But if I don't at least try to write, it's not going to get any easier. And for the past 6+ months, this has been one outlet I can really count on for getting out my angst, emotion, and pent up frustration. And supposedly a handful of you enjoy reading about it. (Sick fuckers!)
Just kidding of course, I heart my readers. I hope I didn't lose any of you in the hiatus.
The silver lining (if you can even call it that), is that I'm not turning to alcohol for comfort, I have managed to keep a level head without the dependency of prescription drugs and I have more than just a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food on the table - I have an understanding new roommate who has been in my shoes and knows what I'm going through, awesome friends and family who are more than willing to help out when and where they can, and two puppies who have a keen sense of knowing when I need my face licked. (They're actually my roommate Jim's pups which is even more awesome because I'm not really responsible for them - though I do what I can to clean up piss and shit stains around the house.)
While it may sound like things are okay right now, every day is a battle. It's tough to get out of bed in the morning (or afternoon) most days. The relationship (or lack thereof) with the ex (and yes, that's what I'll be referring to you to until you make a decision) is still completely up in the air, and there is nothing I can do about it. And the job search is endless. If anyone has any doubts about the state of the economy, just listen up: Since I was 15 years old I have held a job, full-time since 18, or chosen to be on SEASONAL unemployment (due to the nature of the job). And even while on unemployment I worked part-time delivering pizzas to pay the bills. I have applied to, nearly a hundred employers, and heard back from a total of three, all part-time minimum wage positions. It's bad.
All of this, more than anything - beyond frustration, anger and cynicism - bores the shit out of me. Hence, nothing worthwhile to write about. I'm guessing reading about it can't be much more entertaining. So let's move on.
At least this past weekend wasn't so dull. With Jim leaving for a few days, and spring break starting down here, I was sure I would have absolutely nothing to do. Then Thursday night I got a text from my friend El, asking if I wanted to go drink and barbecue on her Mom's farm for a couple of days. While it was no Aruba or Miami (if you know me, you know I'm no fan anyhow), it was a much needed change of pace and scenery. We drove out to this beautiful farmhouse on like 40 acres, just outside of Princeton, Illinois. We grilled and chilled, canoed, fished, and wrangled goats (hence the pic from my previous entry). It was fun, and more importantly, relaxing. I kind of wish I could go back by myself and just escape for awhile, clear my head some more, and write.
But here I am, back in good, old Champaign, trying, perhaps too hard.