Friday, February 27, 2009

RaNdOm Shtuff! (because I can't sleep, so why not?)

I heart Twitter. I can tell it whatever I want (as long as it's under 140 characters). It only asks one question: What are you doing? (And again, I can tell it whatever I want, no follow-ups, like "and who were you with?") And "following" people doesn't sound as creepy as stalking them.

Speaking of my new love, it seems that Twitter is gaining momentum! More of my FB and real-life friends are tweeting these days. I called this shit back in May or June - ask Peters! (Though to be fair I was like "so have you heard of Twitter? Sounds kinda lame." Same way we all felt about Facebook five years ago, lol.)

So, Chris Davies and I are looking at starting up a C-U/Bloomington-Normal/Indie music/culture blog. Anybody living in the area(s) interested in contributing in any way, please let one of us know. Should be fun, at the very least.


Chicago is missing three great people today: Norm and Johnny "Red" of Bulls fame, and James Ward, ABC/WLS food critic. Still not sure the cause of death for Norm, but the man passed way too soon. All three men, legends.

Illinois politics: What's the deal?
"Fast" Eddie (sounds made up) got off with probation and fines (that he'll pay with stolen funds). I never heard of the dude until yesterday, and at first I thought it was a joke. Seriously, Fast Eddie?
Blago, keeping silent? Dudeman has not been on a single talk show for like a week! Just wait until his trial I guess. He's probably taking notes now about how taxes are going up and his "free transportation for seniors" plan is being shutdown. "See, I told ya so! I'm the victim here. DAvid Letterman hates me. WAH WAH!"
And that Burress dude - he sounds like Winnie the Pooh. That's all I have to say about that.

The Jonas Bros. 3D movie comes out today, SICK! Unless Miley Cyrus makes a cameo, or at least her boobies, in 3D of course! How sweet would that be?

Speaking of bad music...
I mentioned it before, but I'll do it again: Tinted Windows SUCK! Ewwwww! Even the name is terrible. Just check out the past PILFS entry if you must know what I'm talking about.
And the new U2 song? God, they keep getting worse. "Put on you sexy boots," or whatever... GOD! They even mention something in the song, about not wanting to sing about nations at war. But man, ever since they stopped that shit, their music has been getting worse and worse. This "boots" song is terrible, just terrible. Sounds like everything off the last album and I'm sure the new album is one in the same.

Ok, so that's it for now.

One of the most awesome and terrifying experiences of my life

I had a lucid dream yesterday. I'm pretty sure it was the first real lucid dream I have ever had. And it rocked. Well, at first, then it scared me to death. But it was still pretty cool.

If you're unfamiliar (and too lazy to click the link to Wikipedia), a lucid dream is considered a conscious dream; you're basically aware of what's going on in the dream, everything is very vivid and you can manipulate the experience to varying degrees. It's more than just a really memorable or vivid dream, which I've had in the past. This was different, in the sense that I felt like I woke up from the dream while still dreaming (known as false awakening or a "dream within a dream").

I'm not sure what to attribute this to. I suppose it could have something to do with my medication adjustments, or the new sleep schedule I'm on, or a combination of both. I typically sleep when I get home from work (after blogging or facebooking of course) around 7AM. That was the case yesterday. Woke up around 3PM, did some stuff, came home, ate, and then found myself bored and with nothing to do, so I laid down for a bit. My door was shut but there was music playing in the other room, loud enough for me to hear, and voices from downstairs. Within about ten minutes I came close to passing out when my phone beeped and woke me back up. After checking the text and replying I laid back down and closed my eyes. Before I knew it I was in a dream (although I didn't really know it at the time).

First thing I can recall now is that I was walking around my apartment looking for something. I ended up going outside, and I remember being very anxious or apprehensive for some reason. Even then I didn't know why. After pacing around the balcony for a bit I realized I was alone in the building. Then I began to levitate...
I gained composure and then realized I could jump really high, off walls and stuff, almost like flying, almost. I jumped off the walls all the way to the bottom floor and back up again. I was tempted to try to just glide down to the bottom but didn't want to risk it.

There is some empty space here, but the next portion I recall is feeling very alone and still being very anxious and worried about something. I again was still looking for something. I finally (still in the dream) decided to go to sleep and maybe I would feel better. This is where it gets weird - try to follow. I woke up from a dream (in the dream) and felt a little better. I went back downstairs and was trying to talk to my roommates about the dream (the first one) but they didn't want to listen to me - it's like I was a ghost or something. So I got pissed and decided to go jump off walls again.

I remember leaving the complex and going somewhere. I just remember partying with a few different groups of people and making out with model-type women. I came back at least a couple of "dream hours" later and was all muddy or dirty from working somewhere. (Maybe just feeling "dirty" from all the hard-core making out with models or maybe more fogginess.) But once I jumped up a few flights of stairs again (after the models, best part of the dream!)

I walked into my apartment (which only slightly resembled my apartment on the inside) where a bunch of out-of-town friends and family had showed up. But not for me! They were all giving me a hard time for "not letting them know" they could stay with me. But I didn't even know they were coming. The best I can imagine is that it was for a basketball game or something, but the combination of people was just odd. There was some party going on at my place, but I seemed to be more like part of the background than anything. I just wanted to go back to party with the ladies...

I was still nervous.
I could still "fly."
I was still looking for something.
I was very confused. I went upstairs to my room which was organized differently that usual. I thought I still must be dreaming (dream within a dream). So I tried to wake myself up, and I wish I could remember how, but I don't. Whatever it was, it worked. Because suddenly the room was arranged the way it should have been. I felt safe again, for awhile.

I am missing most of the details from this next part, but I know that the party going on in my place was not going so well. Something happened that caused an uproar - something to do with drugs I think. Maybe the cops showed up, or some angry dealers or something, don't know. But at this point I remember freaking out, having like a panic attack so bad it turned into a seizure. I think I would have gone into a sleep paralysis (which I've had before - not quite as cool, more scary) if it were not for my real cell phone, in real life, bringing me back to reality.

And this all happened in the course of less than an hour. I want to experience this again. I have come close before, taking naps in the late afternoon or evening where I'm not quite fully asleep, but nothing as cool as this. It was like some sort of high.

This stuff just really intrigues me too. Like I said, the sleep paralysis thing I have had before, and best I can figure out is that it has something to do with my anxiety/panic attacks. While it is scary, it's also very interesting. My doctor had never even heard of it! I guess it's not very prevalent in our culture or among Caucasians, so I guess I'm a rare case.

If anybody wants to share similar experiences or has anything to add, suggest, etc., please do! It sounds like you can condition yourself into having lucid dreams on a regular basis, so I'm going to continue to look into it, and should anything come of it, I'll be sure to share.

Sweet Dreams!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

and we're back... PILFS #2

So a slight alteration of plans and the resurrection of my internet connection have allowed me to continue to blog for the time being.

I'm finally caught up with Facebook and have quite the selection of posted items and link to share with you this week. From funny to awesome, and even awesome-funny, here's the latest...

Listen to Joe Pug!

So, I interviewed Joe Pug last week. This week, he posted an interview with Billboard to his Facebook profile. Using By the transitive property, I think it's safe to say that I have the credentials to work for Billboard. Congrats Joe, and keep the good stuff comin!

Love the shoutout to Champaign!
My interview with Joe will appear on Heave! sometime next week.

Our President is so cool

My second favorite Polak (Adam Wawsczczak) shared this pic from College Humor with my first favorite Polak (Mike Wawsczczak) on Facebook early this week.

The ladies go crazy for my Sugar Lumps

From episode two of the second season, here is a badass FOTC video my cousin Julie shared. I just love how many people are getting into this show. If you haven't watched it yet, I probably can't be your friend. Enjoy, "Sugar Lumps"

If you like vomiting... might enjoy Tinted Windows.

This is so godawful! As if Supergroups don't have a bad enough reputation as is. I'd rather shove sharp objects in my ears than hear this song EVER again!

Andy and Conan reunite!

In case you didn't catch my posted item the other day. Thanks to Chris for pointing this one out and WWTDD for reporting.

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

DISCLAIMER: This will only be funny if you have seen "The Wrestler"

Thanks Funny or Die!

Kitten Inspired by Kittens

Not sure what it is about this little girl and her kitten book, but it gets funnier every time. Thanks to Jenny for pointing this one out and Brittany for posting it.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Blog Notice

As of early Wednesday morning, I have limited internet connectivity!
So, I figure I would take this opportunity to further explain the current state of affairs, of the blog and otherwise.

First of all, about a week or so ago, my internet service began to start acting up. I would be connected at full strength but not be able to connect to any sites, download any porn, or stream audio at certain times of the day. It would go in and out. Then a few days ago the connection went out all together. The usual network I connect to just was not showing up, and my roommates seemed to be clueless (yet they were connecting, so I don't get it).

Anyhow, like I said, I'm connected (just barely) now, so I won't waste any more time, and get to the other stuff.

Due to landlord issues and the loss of my job, I will no longer be living at my current residence. I'll be moving off campus some time this week, into a house with a buddy of mine from PetSmart, Jim. Jim is pretty awesome, He rents a house from his sister, and is letting me start paying rent once my financial situation is stable again. And even then, it's cheaper than I'm paying here, plus no broken elevator or retarded landlord.

The new place is on Kirby in Champaign, right across from Centennial Park, for those of you familiar with the area. Jim has a puppy (lab mix) named Sirus (sp?), who is pretty awesome as well. It will be like having my own dog, but not so much. At this point I'm not sure about Brett and Jemaine (the Chinchillas) but I know for sure that Portia is coming with me. (If anybody has a good home for two crazy Chins, let me know!)

But, back to the blog. First off, the name will most likely be changing, along with quite a few other things. Content may or may not be one of them. A side project is in the works, similar to Heave, the Chicago-based site that I contribute to occasionally. Depending on schedule constraints and whatnot (keeping my fingers crossed for another job I'll find out about tomorrow), "Unfinished Business" may be somehow incorporated into the new site or going on long-term hiatus. I do not wish to scrap the blog entirely, however. I am still madly in love with writing about myself and sharing the personal details of my f'ed up life with anyone who is interested. With that said, I suppose portions of the blog may be headed for the new project while everything else, toward a somewhat new direction. This of course, is all pending what may or may not come of the new project... which btw, needs a cool codename or something... hmmm...

I'll have to get back to y'all on that one. For now, we'll call it Project CDRB. That's Chris Davies, Ryan Brokamp.

Chris (author of my other favorite blog, Fish Mustache and I have decided to combine our evil, super powers to form an Evil-Super Blog (or something). So stay tuned for Project CDRB updates.

In the meantime I will most likely be blogging intermittently, as my schedule/internet service/new living arrangements allow. There was a lot of good content for PILFS! this past week, so I will be working on that post if/when I have time.

Thanks to everyone who reads this blog, follows it, follows me on twitter, comments, etc... I appreciate the support and hope to keep you all tuned-in to my ever so crazy, boring, nonsense life.

Later guys and girls!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Blog down until further notice

Due to current circumstances and recent unforeseen developments, "Unfinished Business or the 4th Street Blues" will be taking a short hiatus. Please follow me on Twitter for further information.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone

Monday, February 23, 2009

HEY! the internet is working again

Well, in lieu (at least for the time being) of PILFS! Of the Week, I will be just plain, old blogging this morning. I blame this on the lack of internet service I seem to be having lately for certain, undisclosed reasons ::cough cough:: online gaming-obsessed roommate :cough cough::

Anyhow, I’m home from work and not tired so I’m listening to some blues and decided to just post one of my infamous, random entries. Strap on those safety belts kids, here we go.

So the Oscars were tonight… well I guess last night… my days and nights are all screwy on this new schedule, that I honestly don’t mind as much as I thought I might. But yeah, the good, old 81st Academy Awards. New format this year: foreign host, and some other stuff I guess. I really only caught the last hour; the important part. Slumdog Millionaire won like 7 or 8 of the ten categories it was nominated in, including Best Director (Danny Boyle) and Best Picture. Pretty excited about that. If you haven’t seen it, do it! Definitely everything and more you could want from a film. Action, hot women, good music, hot women, violence, sex, crime, hot women, the Indian version of Regis… hot women! Well to be fair, I guess it’s just the one GORGEOUS Indian chick. She acts good too. And dances well (see end credits dance scene - also makes the movie that much more awesome). Hot Damn, what a film!

The one disappointment with the Oscars was that Mickey Rourke did not win Best Actor. Dude cried about his dogs to Barbara Walters! What’s a guy gotta do to win a damn Oscar? Jump on Oprah’s couch? Eh, I guess it’s cool that Sean Penn won, only because the first line of his acceptance speech was pretty badass; something alone the lines of Americans being a bunch of commie, homo-lovers. I’ll take it! (And he did give a shoutout to the man who has taken Jack Nicklson’s place as the dude in the front row with sunglasses who the director cuts to for a reaction to everything…

Speaking of which, where was Jack? Probably banging Mickey Rourke’s girlfriend backstage. Good work Jackie boy! Nobody steals your image, especially not a guy who cries about his dogs, pshhh!

But yeah, overall, the Oscars were not half bad. I mean, aside from the usual suspects from the Mickey Mouse Club showing up (Miley Cyrus, Vanessa Hudgens and her douche bag boyfriend). Seriously, if anyone of them gets nominated for anything more than a Kid’s or People’s choice award in my lifetime, I’ll kill myself on Oprah’s couch.

One last rant and one last rave about the Oscars before moving on:

RANT: “The Wrestler” (Bruce Springsteen) from the film of the same title, should most definitely been nominated in the Best Song category. I mean, “Jai Ho” was awesome, and I would probably choose it over the former, but for real, when you have five open spots, why not fill them up? Especially since it’s the best track from the new Bruce album… maybe I’m missing something.

RAVE: Jerry Lewis was awesome. He gave one hell of an acceptance speech. Though I heard he went straight back to a wheelchair backstage after receiving the award…? Poor guy.
Oh wait! One more rave. That Asian dude who won the Foreign Language category: you were awesome, Sank You! Sank You! Sank You!

Ok, so what else? Well, my Joe Pug interview should be up on HEAVE this week! I’ll let y’all know when, but that should not hinder you from checking out the site in the meantime. (Editor’s note: I’m hoping by the time I actually get to copy and paste this entry into the blog, my interview is published.) Butv seriously, check out HEAVE! And check out Joe Pug. He is one hell of a singer/songwriter, and a now my facebook friend! Jealous? You will be after checking out his music. Once I make it big at Rolling Stone (after becoming editor of the News Gazette and eventually governor of the great, corrupt state of Illinois (see previous blog entries), and jump on Oprah’s couch) I’ll look back on my days in Champaign, seeing shows and the Canopy Club, and I’ll remember how I scored an interview with Joe Pug and be like “yeah, I knew Joe before he opened for Bob Dylan at FarmAid 2018...”

Dear John Mellencamp…

Anyhow, back to reality. So, another, non-Oscar related RANT: FML. Up until like a week ago, I would have guessed “FML” was an unpopular men’s magazine. Today, it’s the most reoccurring acronym on my facebook feed, and apparently a popular website. In case you have been sharing the confined space under the rock where I live, “FML” means “Fuck My Life.” As in, “I partied ALL weekend and just realized it’s Sunday at 11:30 PM and I have three papers due tomorrow and an exam at 6 AM! FML!!!!”

Don’t EVEN!

Fuck MY life assholes! Excuse the vulgarity, but for serious!?! If my internet was up I would give you an idea of how ridiculous some of these “FML’s” were. I would supply you with an example, but I’m pretty sure if you type the three letters into Google, you can pull up the stupid site. Don’t get me wrong, some are funny, and a handful of the FMLers have my pity, but I think just the phrase alone is enough to piss me off. The fact that you caught your roommate in a threesome with two of your ex’s on your bed is your problem, not mine, nor the rest of the worlds! FYL is more like it (fuck you loser). Chances are, you deserved it fratboy.

Wow, RANTS and RAVES might have to become a new weekly update on the blog. I’m not sure how I feel about how organized this blog may or may not becoming.

Anyhow, I’m STILL not connected to the internet. How many games of WoW does this fuck have to play? (note to self: future blog rant - World of Warcraft)
I’ll know it’s safe to return to the intraweb when I hear said fuck making his eggs and broccoli.
Grad students are weird.

Bye for now.
Peace out Blogfans and Brohams!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

This week was fun (by popular demand)

While I extended the deadline to vote in the most recent blog poll, it is looking like a landslide victory for "more entries about my boring life."
The public has spoken, so by popular demand, here's a breakdown of the past 72 (or 96?) hours or so of my life.

6:05 AM - Return home from the News Gazette, attempt to sleep.
6:07 AM - Realize I have emails to send. Get out of bed to send emails.
6:49 AM - Look at the clock and realize I have yet to send emails. Curse at facebook.
7:13 AM - Pour myself a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios.

7:16 AM - Eat cereal, and realizing I can not sleep without some form of background noise, stream WGN Radio online.

7:35 AM - As I start to doze off, I dream I am on a life-support machine {{{beep...beep...beep}}} I wake in a panic, only to realize it's just Twitter sending me mobile updates from @news_gazette, @cardinology, and @wgnkathyandjudy
Turn phone to silent.

7:59 AM - The vibrations from my cell keep me awake. I listen to the 8 O'clock news.
8:38 AM - A nightmare about Rod Blagojevich having octuplets awakens me. (see 7:59)
9:45 AM - Finally I get an hour of sleep in. But I've missed the first 45 minutes of Kathy and Judy! Poo!

10:15 AM - Back to the kitchen for a snack, then one more attempt at sleep.
Noonish - Okay,got some decent sleep in, might as well tryto do something with my day.

12:15-2:30 PM - Search craigslist, monster, etc. for new jobs/posts I may have missed. Fill out some apps, send a couple more emails, mess around on facebook/twitter.

3:00 PM - Contemplate a nap.
3:01 PM - Realize there is no chance of me sleeping right now. Curse Mountain Dew.
3:02-4:30 PM - Spend far too much time earning $8.50 on Campusfood.
4:30 PM - Call Mom.
5:00 PM - Finally get to sleep for another hour and some change.
6:30 PM - Shower
6:45 - 9:00 PM - TV, food, etc.
9:00 PM - Head out to Guido's for Danielle's birthday.
10:45 PM - Party moves to 88 Broadway for Open Mic night. Have a beer, couple shots.

12:15 AM - Head to the Silver Bullet at the birthday girl's request where she insists I get a lap dance. (You can touch the strippers down here! Just no boobs or crotch.)

1:00 AM - Silver Bullet closes, head back to 88 to drive some drunk people home.
1:45 AM - Arrive at Perkins for breakfast.
2:37 AM - Drive back to Urbana to drive even more drunkies home.
2:55 AM - Arrive back at the News Gazette to work.
6:00 AM - Leave News Gazette, head home.
6:07 - Noonish - Actually get some sleep!
Noonish - Laterish...? - Get more apps filled out, win another $5.50 in Campusfood Cash (up to $14 now!)
9:00 PM - 2:45 AM (2/18) - Hang out, order Rosati's with Campusfood cash = $3 coupon. Total paid out-of-pocket = $0.02!

3:00 - 6:00 AM - Deliver the papers.
6:00 - 8:50 AM - Volunteer for extra work making 1000 "FanPacks" to be handed out at Illini basketball game.
8:55 AM - Call in to WPGU with the answer to trivia question. Win coffee mug + gift card!
9:00 - 9:15 AM - Finish transcribing Joe Pug interview for Heave. Send to Peters.
9:15 - 10:30 AM - Listen to Kathy and Judy on WGN. First topic: Gangsta names. I join the discussion on the Facebook fan page. My suggestion (K-Dawg and JD Money featuring BadBoy Bertrand and the GN Allstars) gets read on the air. I feel like a rockstar.

10:30 AM - 5:45 PM - The most sleep I get in the past 72 hours.
5:45 PM - 2:15 AM (2/19) Get some more work done online. Enjoy Rosati's leftovers. Watch a few Dawson's Creek episodes with Jenny. Watch some Conan!

2:15 - 2:45 AM - Talk to a drunk Kyle as he returns home from the bars.
2:45 AM - Back to work.
3:00 - 6:00 AM - Deliver papers.
6:10 - 6:30 AM - Write this entry.
6:30 - ??? - Hopefully get some sleep.

Can't say it's been a boring week; lap dances, drunk people, winning radio contests, etc...

One more day of work before the weekend. Pretty excited. Now I just have to get some cash so I can actually enjoy the weekend. And maybe catch up on a little sleep.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

An Open Letter to WAND-TV (Decatur-Springfield-Champaign)


I write to you to in the hope that you realize what a dumbass you are.

Yes, I am aware that it is February 18, which means that this morning at 12:00 AM, you were converting to a digital only signal. I have been aware of this for quite sometime now. Not only has the government been warning me for close to three years, but I am also reminded by you every commercial break - sometimes two or three times per break. As a matter of fact, you continued to remind me AFTER the digital transition, which makes absolutely no sense to me.

I'm sure that at midnight there were some analog customers watching, but I seriously can't imagine it was more than a couple hundred. Assuming your total viewership is around a half million customers, let's take the national average of current analog or "over-the-air" viewers, 13%. According to a recent study, 70% of those 65,000 were expected to get a digital converter box and 10% expected to switch over to pay service, leaving only 20% or 13,000 without service on February 18. Now, seeing as that you are an NBC affiliate, and NBC is "America's Late Night leader," your share of late night television among over-the-air viewers is right around 20%. Though, we first have to assume that at 12:00 AM on a Wednesday morning, only around 15% of the nation is watching television. 15% of 13,000 is 1,950, and 20% of that is 390. So, my estimates were slightly off, though they were fairly liberal. So at best, you had 390 analog/over-the-air viewers who got that message. Of them, I bet at least 300 had absolutely no clue what the message was telling them anyhow.

Normally I would not be so anal about losing less than a minute of a broadcast, but this was a crucial moment in television history we're talking about here. Late Night with Conan O'Brien is in in last week of new shows. When Conan moves to the earlier Tonight Show spot, he will most definitely have to tone down his material a bit for the new audience. This means, no more masturbating bear. So tonight, nearly halfway through the program at approximately 11:59 PM, Conan brought out said bear for one last visit. The bear was to be frozen in Carbon (like Han Solo in Star Wars) and was asked if he had any last words/actions. We all knew what was coming next. The bear cocked his head to the right, reached towards his crotch, the music erupted, and ----

I checked my remote control, the cable, the power, everything and anything I thought that may have caused this Sopranos series finale-like disaster. No more than 15 seconds passed, but it seemed like an eternity before I heard "WAND-TV is scheduled to make the Digital Transition on February 17th..." and the screen came back from black. But there was no Conan, no bear and sadly, no masturbating.

After your brief, untimely interruption Conan returned, and a sad bear, frozen in Carbon. Then out came an aged Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia). I thought, great I haven't missed anything. The bear will be saved by Leia!

But before Conan could come even realize who had walked on set, ZAP! Back to black the TV faded, followed by a nearly identical message as before: "WAND-TV is scheduled..."

Ridiculous. Now not only did I miss perhaps the last jerk, I don't even know the fate of the bear. And while I am aware of Hulu, youtube, and full episodes of Late Night on, like I told my friend Chris soon after, something about not watching a bear masturbate for the last time with the rest of the nation just lacks significance for me. I am sure the same holds true for the approximate 5,382 Conan fans (I did the math, just take my word for it here) in the WAND-TV market.

Now I will not be boycotting your station in anyway. Honestly, Leno and Conan are the only programs remotely worth watching on NBC these days, and your local newscast is equivalent to public access programming. However, for the emotional stress, punitive damages and other hardships suffered, I demand a public apology, a payment in the sum of $50,000, and an autographed photo of the Masturbating Bear, delivered to me promptly. Let's not let this turn into a civil class-action suit, so just do as I say and hand over the goods.

I expect immediate action on your part, or you will be hearing from my attorneys within the next 48 hours.

Ryan Brokamp

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Best of Conan (pt. 1)

With only one week before Conan O'Brien takes over Jay Leno's spot as host of The Tonight Show, I have decided to take a look back on the past 15+ years and highlight some of my all-time favorite Conan clips. I hope you enjoy these as much as I do...

You know what I call this? I call this the ranch.. because it's where my 220 horses live.

This one is like ten years old, before they had a decent Arnold impersonator, but I do love the trick Arnold pulls on Conan.

Jingle All the Way!


Horse racing... dog fighting for white people

From Conan's visit to Chicago...

The masturbating bear is in New York, and there is nothing he can do about it...

Sunday, February 15, 2009

PILFS! of the week... 2/9 - 2/15/09

So I came up with this pretty cool acronym and weekly blog entry to go along with it. PILFS (Posted Items, Links and Funny Shit) of the week will feature videos, blog entries, pictures, notes, and random other humorous and/or crazy stuff from around the intraweb. I'm trying to stick with stuff my friends/followers have posted from Facebook, youtube, Digg, twitter, etc. but pretty much anything I deem noteworthy will be shared.

Without further ado, the PILFS of the week for February 9-15, 2009:

Who doesn't want a Snuggie? After seeing this dubbed over version of the ever-popular infomercial, I'll be sure to pick up one of each flavor!

Thanks to Chris Davies (author of one of my new favorite blogs, Fish Mustache) for posting this one via Facebook.

Here is another one from Chris of Fish Mustache (the blog that now features capital letters!)

God, what a stud!

Here is one of my new favorite things in general. If you have been keeping up with the blog, you probably caught the first installment of "Conversation with Adam and Allen" (compliments of Adam Bauer via Facebook). Hot from the FB Newsfeed, here is the Valentine's Day edition of "Conversations..."


whats up stud?


how was valentines day?

good had to work

yeah, did you go on a hot date afterwards?

NO i wish

what would your perfect date have?

cute body good looking and she better a god kisser

what's a god kisser?


when you kiss a girl

getting closer

do you mean good kisser?


i said that

not exactly, you said god kisser

i got bad news

what's that?

i cant go to taco tuesday this week


cause we are leaving for the dells ass soon as my cousin get off from work

i heard the dells ass is nice this time of year

yeah we will be inside

please dont tell brad?

i wont?

yeah ihave not even packes yet

packed yet

im pretty sure brad will find out that you will not be there when you dont show up

I kneo


so why can't i tell him?

you can tell him

i just did


he's pissed


i know right

hey, one more question. where would you take this dream woman on a date?

dont know

he is joking right

brad? not really. he's pretty upset. we don't like being ditched

what do you want me to do

cancel your vacation

no way

i knwo brad hates me right now


we are not friends i bet no more

i bet no more either

im done with betting!


i gotta run buddy, about to have dinner

this convo is getting posted for sho!

please dont


not this one

because of brad?


i was just kidding about brad

he doesnt know


post it then

nice. the people love us man, we have to give them what they want!

go aheaf

go head

aight, later sexy


UPDATE: Bad news Allen, Brad just found out. Taco Tuesday will never be the same.

I may or may not have previously posted this pic from Val Deatherage...

It's worth another look anyhow.

So, here is a notable news story shared by Noah Curtis.,chicago-miserable-city-forbes-021009.article

I can pretty much say I hate Forbes after reading this, but I liked Noah's comment better:
I'm finding this Forbes editor and I'm gonna... treat him to a nice time around the city come May. We're gonna have a Ferris Bueller Day.

And finally, something I found on Digg. With one week left before Conan O'Brien leaves Late Night to take over Jay Leno's spot, the question remains: Is the 'Tonight Show' audience ready for this?

Hope you all enjoyed the first edition of PILFS. LEt me know what you think, and keep the good stuff coming!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Friday the 13th, not so unlucky

word of the day: paraskavedekatriaphobia, or the fear of Friday the 13th.
I guess like 20 million Americans possess this fear, holy crap! Silly Americans, it's going to happen again next month, brace yourselves!

For me, this particular Friday the 13th is rather lucky, thus far. After nearly three weeks of unemployment, I found a job! Just a part-time newspaper gig, but it's money I don't have, so that's pretty exciting. Plus my route is in Rantoul, which I have always found fun to say. Go ahead, try it: RANTOUL! Such a masculine sounding place to live. If I ever move there I'm pretty sure I'll have to join the NRA, get like four German Shepards, and only eat red meat.

In the meantime I'm still here in Champaign, keeping my eyes open for "help wanted" signs, checking craigslist hourly, and eating mac and cheese three times a day. The lady who hired me at the News Gazette basically told me that I was overqualified for the job and recommended me for a district managers position. So, I figure at this rate, I'll be editor in chief by April. Which means I'll be running for State Rep early next year, and before you know it I'll be selling Senate seats and be declaring my innocence on Larry King and the Tonight Show! Hey, at least I'm being optimistic, right? Well, minus that corruption part.

Once again, I have failed to post my unemployment videos, and I apologize. I'll still have 85% of my day free come Monday, so if I'm still in the mood (and nearly unemployed) I'll make sure to get those posted. For now, back to the fun game of "see how many applications I can fill out before passing out."

Borrowed funny

So I know I promised a "vlog" entry of my day searching for work/being unemployed, and I'm still working on it. But in the meantime, I hope you all enjoy a little something from Adam Bauer (with help from the one and only Allen)...

Conversations with Adam and Allen #1Share
by Adam Bauer (notes) Yesterday at 11:30am
If you don't really know Allen Pelletier that well, just know that he LOVES talking to people via Facebook Chat. He and I have had many, lenghty conversations. I thought that it would be entertaining to start posting them for you all in a little installment called "Conversations with Adam and Allen". Enjoy part 1!


my cousin is booking it tonight for great wolf lodge

cool, you gonna get some chicks?

Hell yeah

its me and his best friend goin

nice, you gonna wear speedos?

and this is a frist ever paid vaction for me



you should, that's how you get chicks

dont have any

you should probably buy some

ill let you borrow one of mine

you have onw


i have like 8


iamjust gonna wear my bating suit

your loss, you could borrow my cheetah one

a cheeat?


my old swimming suit

like tight bike pants

no, a cheetah like the cat who can run 60 mph

yeah i know that
i can as fast as Allen

i used to

when i was in shap

60 miles an hour?


faster then me

allen, my car can barely go 60 miles an hour

i know that?

I will go to a nice girl and say hey babe

good start

and guess what no face book next week

and like you want to go get a drink iam buying

second good start

so you are going to ask her to go get a drink because you are buying? is this in our out of the pool and are you or are you not wearing a cheetah speedo?

i will turn on the good charm

do you also have bad charm you use?


i will be like hey good looking you want to go dwon the slide with me



or would she slap me in the face

it's a toss up, she may be into that sort of thing

not creepy

for a frist

yes, that is creepy


iam trying not to be creepy

you hear any thing yet

trust me, i asked a woman at the bar last night if she wanted to go down the slide with me. i now have a black eye

wow ahe give you a black eye

did you preass charges

i did not


have you heard anything from cast away dude

i have not, but these things take time


well have a good day

break a leg tonight

thanks, you too

i will try

The goal is to make a collective volume of "Facebook Conversations with Allen" for publication next week. Please submit your contributions here!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Unemployment Blues

Gotta look on the bright side - more time for rhyming haikus:

Having no job blows
No cash for ladies, booze, shows
Will work for hohos

Gas for job search: $5
Parking meter change: .85 found stuck to gum underneath my seat
Chewing the gum found stuck to the change: priceless

You know you're unemployed when... have given serious consideration to selling your organs.
...times of the day include half-past Oprah, quater til All My Children, and Dr. Phil-thirty.

...googling "things to do while unemployed" is the best way to kill time in between job searches.

(Tomorrow, I'm brushing my teeth in the shower and going to the mall to play a robot!)

...cereal and EasyMac make up 95% of your diet. make more than four blog entries a day.
...showering becomes a chore.
...rationing toilet paper is necessary.

Stay tuned! Tomorrow I'll be filming the documentary, "A Day in the Life of the Unemployed" (working title, no pun intended) which I will post ASAP.

Guess that song VOLUME I

Okay, so Ryan is kinda bored and maybe a little tipsy/tired...

Therfor, I have created a new game called Guess That Song!
Basically I listen to music and try to keep up with the lyrics/music via my keyboard. It's basically a fun way to get more people to comment on my entries. So, this one should be easy... just listen to the music on the blog and you'll get this one. Make fun of me if you want. Seriously, that makes for even more fun.

The plan is to do this every time I drink (often). I will tabulate points and the winner after an undisclosed amount of time wins a prize! (Prize also undisclosed.) This first one is worth five points! Generous, I know. In other words, five points to the most loyal reader! Good luck, have fun!

Begging you to sit for a portrait on the wall to hang on the dock off sosme parliamentayry hall. todays for you, they laid it oput for you,. for you..........,.. there will be six bells a ringing and something a something for you, this face so mimagenied and peter gabriels too. all of the cops and all of the time it took . soo nits the liens of red in the letter book, youre creepin feet where theve never been before. todays for you, ,,,,,,,they laid it out for you.......for you.........,..there will be six bells a ringing and somthienf a something for you...but this face so imagined and petter gabriel too..... (VIOLIN AND DRUMS ROCK!) drums drums drums durms durms diurms djrms durms drums..... VIO-LIN!!!! ooooohooooh oooooh ooh ummmmoooohoooouhuuhoohooiummmmmmmmmm mmm mm mmmm

What else is new? I'm up late: Chinchilla Hunt!

I've made a huge mistake...

I let the chinchillas loose and have free reign in my room. The little fuckers love it. The white one (Bret aka Vanilla aka whatever El named them) has much more personality out of the cage. Unlike the dark one (Jermaine aka Chinchy aka whatever El named him), Bret likes to explore. Jermain just hides under the bed. Go figure! Jermaine is constantly trying to escape from the cage and once you open the door to feed him or whatever, he is planning his getaway.

Aside from the chin shit everywhere, it's pretty cool having them out. Bret has decided to chew himself a new home in my desk drawer. They eat all of the food crumbs scattered about my floor which is like having two Roombas, but way cuter. If only they ate their own shit...

Damn! Jermaine ventured back to the cage and I almost had him locked in! I figure I can let Portia out to scare them back to there cage if need be. Considering she has been hiding in her log for the past week, only to come out in a hurry for the two mice I fed her the other day, I'm pretty sure she would be willing to chase down these vermins.

HAHAHA! Just got Bret back in the cage!

Now Jermaine is totally jealous. He keeps coming out from under the bed looking at Bret enjoying his Forti-diet, timothy hay and water in the comfort of the cage. Sorry Jermaine, gotta roll with the Tough Brets to get in on that action.

Gotcha bitch!

Both chins are back in the cage enjoying hay, food and water. Best (non-canine) pets EVER. So much fun.
If you know me well enough, you know I am no fan of gossip, hearsay, rumors or smack talk; I avoid the garbage at all costs. I don't dish it out and typically I could care less if you talk behind my back. I dismiss such practice as cowardice, juvenile behavior that I rather not associate or involve myself with.

However, it has come to my recent attention that this blog is the center of exploitation of my character. Apparently, a former co-worker has turned my entries into the joke of the week at my former place of employment. This shouldn't concern me, and the only reason it does is because said employee has attempted to beguile my reputation on previous occasions.

I get along with most everyone I meet. I try my hardest to find common ground with every individual, no matter how different we may be - even immature, gun-totting, conservative fools with God complex's.

With that said, I would like to mention that when I was laid off, I was told that it was a frustrating decision to make (for management) because, "out of all the employees [Phil] brought in, [Ryan] has the most potential."

So, while I will own up to my poor attendance record at PetSmart, I stand by the fact that I was dismissed unfairly. It holds true in all of retail/corporate b.s.: the good guys go unappreciated and the assholes go on to great* things.

*Management (no offense Phil, Teresa, Stephanie or Ron)

I am not bitter about losing my job... okay, maybe a tiny bit. I just miss it mostly. I miss having a reason to get up in the morning (or late afternoon). I miss wearing a uniform, believe it or not. I miss the animals, of course the paycheck, the customers (the good and bad ones), sticking my hands in fish tanks all day, overmedicating small animals, flirting with the girls at Banfield (and Dr. Amin), Vermillion County on the weekends, sneaking a cigarette while taking in carts, working register and having to explain to old people what the PetPerks card does. I miss that all so much. I know a lot of you bitch about working there, but you don't know how good you all have it. Oh, and speaking of which, that's what I miss most.. you guys.

Never have I had a job where I made so many friends so quick. I probably never will. That's what sucks most.

I suppose it was just another dead end job for me, but it was the best dead end job I ever had. It made me happy, which is not so easy to do. Anyhow, I'm closing the door on that chapter of my life now. I'm looking for work, exploring other ventures, spending time on what I like doing...

I'm sure we'll all stay friends, which is cool. Unless of course you've already defriended me on Facebook - like she reads this! I'll still miss working with you all. It was fun while it lasted. And I still hope that I can help with the next bar crawl :)

Sunday, February 8, 2009

the Grammys suck!

First of all, in case you're an aspiring rap artist, let me give you a few tips on how to win a Grammy: wear sunglasses indoors at all times, a goofy hat also helps, and bitch about how you have not won enough awards as often as possible.

Kanye, you're a big jackass. Just hand out the award and keep your "I should have this award" comment to yourself. We all know how great you are and how large your ego is. Oh, and you're not Michael Jackson either.

Word up, Jonas! Stevie is not the fourth Jonas brother. And if you're going to perform with a legend, LEARN THE LYRICS for crying out loud.

Apparently, everyone is friends with everyone in the music industry. Sugarland and Adele are best buds, I had no clue! Even big time Hollywood actors (namely Samuel L. Jackson) hang out with artists like Justin Timberlake! Every presenter made mention of his or her "buddy," "friend," or "good pal." Annoying (yes, I'm jealous).

Does anybody know what was up with the glove on Morgan Freiman's left hand? I'm still looking for a photo, but dude had a black glove on his hand while introducing "his good friend" Justin Timberlake.

Since when did LeAnn Rimes get so nasty? Maybe it's just the crazy MILF action of Sheryl Crow standing next to her that makes her look bad.

Speaking of hotties, Carrie Underwood is one. Just take a look:

Maybe she and Katy Perry can hook up. That would be fantastic, unlike Katy's performance. Oh, and pay special attention to the Asian chick making fun of herself in this photo:

My least favorite part of the night, a two-way tie: when MIA didn't go into labor on stage...

...and when Niel Diamond performed. He sounded like William Shatner. "Touch-ing, me. Touch-ing, you."

Two highlights, the artists with actual talent - Plant and Krauss, won big. And backed by the USC marching band, Radiohead gave one hell of a performance.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

A long, long time ago...

Fifty years (and about four hours) ago a small plane carrying three rock n' roll icons crashed in Iowa. Buddy Holly, 22; Ritchie Valens, 17; and J.P. "The Big Bopper" Richardson, 28 all died... along with the music (according to Don McLean).

I would tell you the story, but Wikipedia pretty much has it covered here.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Bob Parsons' 16 Rules

I came across this while checking out the "too hot for TV" version of the Sueperbowl ads. (caught me!) Bob Parsons is the CEO and founder of I thought these rules were pretty basic, but definitely worth a blog post, especially considering what happened today...

1.Get and stay out of your comfort zone.
2.Never give up.
3.When you are ready to quit, you're closer than you think.
4.Accept the worst possible outcome.
5.Focus on what you want to have happen.
6.Take things a day at a time.
7.Always be moving forward.
8.Be quick to decide.
9.Measure everything of significance.
10.Anything that is not managed will deteriorate.
11.Pay attention to your competitors, but pay more attention to what you're doing.
12.Never let anybody push you around.
13.Never expect life to be fair.
14.Solve your own problems.
15.Don't take yourself too seriously.
16.There's always a reason to smile.

The economy sucks, but my luck is worse

I lost my job today. Unfortunately, it has to do with my dumb luck and not the economy. I would be a lot more okay with that.

I had a chronic attendance problem. More like a punctuality problem. I was officially written up for it a few weeks ago, and since have been on time for every shift. I pulled my shit together. Then, on Saturday I showed up for work at two, like a normal Saturday shift, 2-10. I was scheduled to start at one.

I went in to get fired today.

I don't think I have ever been fired before. This sucks. I REALLY liked my job too. It didn't pay the greatest, but I enjoyed it. I was told that I had the most potential of any employee there. I guess I also have the worst luck of anyone there.

This came days after my car got hit while parked in Urbana (and is now missing both sideview mirrors and half a bumper) and about a week after my landlord threatened to evict me because of rent I paid but they apparently never got. So, yeah, life is quite cheery right now.

There has to be a silver lining somewhere in these dark clouds, right? I hope so.