Sunday, November 30, 2008

Publication Correction

It was inaccurately reported on 11/27/08 that Jim Bryski had become the first two-time Turkey Tourney champ, and also the first back-to-back champ.

Bradley Brokamp was indeed the first, winning the first and second annual competitions.

Our apologies.

And the asterisk thing is currently up for review in the head offices. Stay tuned.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

at a crossroads

Is it art getting in the way of my life? Or is it life getting in the way of my art? Maybe an aggregate of the two?

I feel totally Hemingway.

Any help?


Life is full of what ifs. At least my life is. They say, don't hold onto the past, don't fear the future, but rather live in the present. I live in the present, but I find it hard to bury my ghosts and avoid anxieties of what's to come.

I've learned to much from my past to say I am full of regrets, but I won't go as far as saying that I have none. I've always been an anxious person, maybe more so now than ever. In the here and now I feel like a hamster in a wheel.

I have dreams. I have huge dreams. I suppose we all do. Perhaps mine are too grandiose than I am capable of right now. But without dreams, all we are is stupid hamsters.

I will continue to dream. It's the eternal optimist in me that keeps me going. I'm always looking forward to the next big thing.

Friday, November 28, 2008


Black Wednesday, Black Friday. Sandwiched between the two, a little thing we call Thanksgiving.

A frivolous holiday, celebrated by nearly every person in this country, regardless cultural background. Aside from the patriotic ones, I guess it's the only, true "American" holiday.

Be cautious to judge. Hear me out. I'm not some anti-family, holiday hating chump. But you don't need to give me a reason to get together with loved ones. Eat, drink and be merry is good enough reason for me. Exactly why I love holidays.

Oh, and over the years Thanksgiving has had it's controversy. But for real, I didn't hear anyone mention thanks of any special kind today. I am sure there still exist families who go around the table and give one thing each is thankful for - at least in the movies. We've shortened the name to "Turkey Day!" It's become a day all about food and the start of the Christmas season - which really means another reason for retailers to open at 4am.

We should be thankful for things all the time, not pretend to be one day out of the year. The hypocrisy must end. We're thoughtless, ignorant fools.

I was going to make a list of things I'm thankful for, but I'm pretty good about being grateful on a regular basis, as many of you are. But I urge you all to put down your doorbuster ads and spend some quality time with the people you care about most. It might not save the economy, but it is free.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Despite no-shows, delayed start, TTV a success

Bartlett, IL

Another change of venue came to this years' Turkey Tourney, and with it brought much anticipated fun along with a hint of drama.

The fifth annual event, hosted at Brad's house in Bartlett, drew a crowd of well over 32 - the number of competitors participating. However, the original 32 scheduled entrants did not all compete. A handful did not show, some left early while others found lame excuses to not be there. Fortunately, Mariokart fans were in abundance among the guests, and replacing the lamers was of very little difficulty for the events' organizers.

As has been the case the past four years, the first race did not go off until approximately an hour after scheduled. This sparked some controversy among participants and spectators alike.

"I have to leave by like 11:30 guys, I have to wash my hair. Can we start this thing?" muttered an angry fan of the odds-on favorite, Jim Bryski.

Jim himself was also in somewhat of a hurry to get started. Apparently he also had hair to wash. Others were simply eager to finish the racing and get to the post-race festivities.

The first round went as expected, with nearly all of the favorites advancing on. Round two produced varying results, with another heavy favorite having to forfeit his spot in order to, "meet up with some friends," an excuse used far too often from the younger of the Wvavczcak borthers. The semi-finals are where things started to get riled up a bit. With Noah, Bill, and Adam all eliminated, Mike's forfeit, and a slew of newcomers to stir things up, the finals were setting up well.

Of the four finalists, three were previous champs; Bryski, looking for a repeat, Brad, seeking revenge, and Kevin, who needs an ego boost like he needs another cameo in a Batman movie. Karters were somewhat surprised by the fourth final, young Joshua Curtis, an avid gamer but only second time participant in the Tourney.

"I like to set goals for myself that I know I can't achieve, and then shock with world!" Josh exclaimed in a pre-race interview.

The finals, which included races from the Special Cup, were an intense fifteen minutes of Mariokart. Bryski looked good, but not good enough in the first race. The newbie Josh looked to be Bryski's most serious threat going into Bowser's Castle. Headed into Rainbow Road, the Golden Baster was still in the reach of all four racers. But Bryski took an early lead and never looked back. Brad looked to play spoiler, racing in reverse the final lap and throwing shells towards the focused front-runner. His efforts were in vain however, as Jim finished nearly ten seconds ahead of his biggest threat, Josh, taking home back-to-back honors. He was also the first racer to ever take home two trophies in TT history.

Josh finished second overall, followed by Kevin and the bitter Bradley.

In unsportsmanlike fashion, Jim the victor fled the scene prior to the awards ceremony. He was booed and heckled by fans and the competition as he ran like a girly man, away from the house. Commissioner Brokamp has received inquiries as to the status of his victory. Some have suggested an asterisks be placed aside his name in the Hall of Fame. Official word regarding the issue is pending.

The Champagne did flow, partially in celebration, partially in spite of the races. In the end, good times were had by all, and few casualties were reported. (Animals were harmed in the making of the event.)

The event was captured on film by student, Bill Douglas, who hopes to piece together the footage and broadcast online very soon.

The commissioner was unavailable for comment following the event, and Jim Bryski has not returned our phone calls. His attorney has spoken on his behalf, calling him, "a little bitch... err, um I mean, no comment."

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

theMorningLine (TTV odds)

All bets to be placed with me.
$1 min
$10 max


(serious replies only)


All Others 12/1


All Top Seeds in Finals 10/1

All #1 or #2 Seeds 7/1
in Finals

Noah Throws a Shit Fit 1/5

Champ/Runner-up Finish 9/2
within 3 points of each
other or less

Champs Wins With 3/1
a lightweight
(Yoshi, Toad, Peach)

Champ Wins With 5/1
a heavyweight
(DK, Bowser, Wario)

Champ Wins With 6/1
a middleweight
(Mario, Luigi)

twentytwentytwenty4 hours to go...

Actually less, but who's counting.

TTV: I never really imagined my little baby would grow up to be such a success!
I mean, five years we have been doing this shit! Five years of a video game tournament centered around one time of the year when virtually everyone is back home. I think that is the real beauty of it. It brings us all together. Every year I meet at least one new person, as I'm sure is true with every attendee. I can give you a story from each year- about Olsta peeing on things (and/or people), about random hookups, about the snowball fight Thanksgiving morning, about the crazy weather (from rain to snow to balmy temps), about the dance parties and the messes left behind for me to clean up the next day. In fact I have pictures to prove most of this. But, aside from the champions, I don't recall much about the racing itself...

Nintendo 64 is long forgotten by many. Obviously, not us. The system is possibly older than some of this years attendees. The game is half my age! But it's not about the game, not about the racing. Sure, bragging rights exist. But I think all four previous champs would gladly hand over their titles in exchange for the memories.

I know this is all a little corny and sentimental, but it's how I feel. And I'm sure most, if not all of you would agree. This is OUR Thanksgiving. The Turkey Tourney may have started out as something else, but what it has become is much, much more than that.

Whenever I tell someone about the Turkey Tourney, they are pretty amazed. I mean, who wouldn't be. We're getting together (nearly a hundred of us in total) to play a game that is 12 years old. Granted, one of the greatest video games ever made... but still. People started asking me about this back in the spring! I mean, yeah so I moved down to Champaign, but that's not going to stop me from carrying on this great tradition.

I hope we carry on this great tradition for years to come. Like when Mario Kart 64 is equivalent to Pong. I'm sure people will come and go, new faces will be seen, old ones remembered... but when the rest our of generation goes out to party on "black Wednesday," we'll be staying in, playing Mariokart.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Don't text me and ask how I'm doing, just read this!

My poor blog has had very few updates recently. It's hurting. It's hurting me and it's hurting you, lol. So to stop the bleeding I will apply my words to your wounds.

First and foremost, gotta clear some things up.

-Yes, Jessica and I are no longer together. For how much longer you ask? Dunno. As long as it takes I suppose. (Additional details are available to VIPs - you guys probably know who you are and have permission to text me lol)

-I am currently not seeking a new partner, despite popular belief. I have needs, but that's what hookers and porn are for. Thankfully I can not afford hookers.

-I'm still on medication for anxiety/depression, though the latter is not a big issue so much. But yes, Zoloft and alcohol. They help me a lot. And yes, they both cause problems, but casualties are part of war, right? The U.S. government thinks so.

-Yes, I'm smoking again. I wish I didn't crave them so much, but I do. Mostly just when I drink, because otherwise they make me sick. Crazy, right? Yep, suddenly the worthless "Truth" ads make sense. But this is exactly why they are worthless. And I drink a lot, so I tend to smoke a lot too, but again, only when I drink. And this poses another question for most of you: "Why do you drink so often? Isn't that a problem?"

-I don't have a drinking problem. I have a me problem. But even that is hard to say. (Not hard to admit, hard to say.) I was once told that "there are no problems, only opportunities." I'm still waiting on those opportunities to come my way. Yeah, I know I should reach out for them as opposed to waiting for them to come to me, but my arm span ain't quite what it used to be. It really never was that long; I got dealt a bad hand, not necessarily from the start, but by the time I learned how to play, for sure.

-I have started a few blog entries, but not published them due to intoxication/lack of sleep. I will do my best to update/edit and publish them ASAP. Or not...

-Though it seems more of a hassle at this point, I do plan on heading back North for Thanksgiving and the Turkey Tourney (TTV, hell yeah!). I am working on switching shifts so I can make it up there late Wednesday afternoon, but no promises. Otherwise I'll probably make a daytrip of it on Thursday. Ohhhhh, obligations....

-(This one might seem kind of obvious but a lot of people (who, probably don't read this blog, lol) are confused as to my current location/occupation/etc.) I live in Champaign and will be attending U of I (maybe/hopefully/until my porn career takes off) very soon. Hopefully double majoring in Anthropology and Creative Writing. Crazy combo I know. But if you continue to read the blog you'll understand it more.

So, that's that. I'm so not done with this post, but I need a smoke break, and I know this entry is eagerly awaited by about 1.5 people so I'll publish this guy and be back in a few for the sequel.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A glass drops and sometimes all you can do is sweep up the pieces and count your losses.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Chain smoking: bad for the heart, good for the soul.

Dear blog,

It's been awhile. This is kind of awkward. Let me just throw this out there...
If you wanna give up on me that's cool. I have been pretty loyal to you, but the number of fans or even regular readers is lackluster at best.

You know what though? This is more for me than anyone else. And I'm no quitter so I'm gonna keep at it. Anything is possible, right? Maybe someday this will be the most read blog on the web. Just gotta keep telling myself that. Not too hard, considering my eternal optimism.

1863: Emancipation Proclaimed.
1963: We shall overcome. A guy had a dream.
2008: Yes we can!

Segregation, discrimination: we shall overcome. 135 years later, yes we can!

We have the potential to lead the world. If we can only open our eyes wide enough to let he light nearly blind us.

Now is the time.

It began in '63. We must keep fighting the good fight.

Oh, America I wish you the best of luck in the coming years.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

2600 days later


September 11th, 2001.

Bomb Afghanistan
War in Iraq
Mission Accomplished
Three thousand U.S. troops dead, many more civilian "casualties"
Saddam tried and killed, nothing solved
Still searching for the other guy, and answers
Obama for President?
War rages on, Hillary upset
Obama for President.
Biden (sorry Conan)
11:00 P.M. EST: CNN reports...

November 4th, 2008.

Democracy reigns!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Let the Chief go...

I have to hold true to my word, so here in this week of the most important election of our lives, comes a rant...

Dear Students, Faculty, Staff, Alumni, local Politicians and other members of the Champaign/Urbana/University Community,

The Chief is not coming back. The NCAA has ruled against the Chief. That is final.

To the Registered Student Organization trying to reinstate the Chief: stop. Your collective efforts can be better spent on something more relevant. Maybe we can help the homeless or give local children the education they deserve, instead of being a bunch of snotty middle-upper class white kids who want their Indian Chief back. (I know this is a generalization, but facts can back up this statement.)

To the local politicians who include "reinstating the Chief" in their platforms: stop. We get that you're trying to appeal to the student demographic, but the Chief is not a political issue. This is by far the lamest campaign promise I have ever heard, and again, there are more pressing issues at hand than a damn mascot.

It is for our own benefit that the Chief has been removed. The controversy surrounding the Chief has gone on since before many of you were born. It's no longer about who is right and who is wrong, it's giving our University (and state for that matter) a terrible reputation. The Chief is a symbol, just a symbol. An offensive one at that. I don't care if it doesn't offend you, or your Native American friends. It offended enough people. Multiple Native American organizations, as well as human and civil rights groups have called for the Chief's retirement over the years. I would like to think that as human beings we can respect the wishes of our neighbors, and voluntarily remove offensive material/activity from our campus. However, I assume incorrectly.

"It's a sense of pride," some say, "we're honoring the Native American culture!"

Not true. First of all the Chief is a misappropriation of multiple Native American tribes' traditions that perpetuate negative and incorrect assumptions and stereotypes of said people as a whole. It is an ignorant lack of respect. We've come a long way as a society to stand up against racism and prejudice, why can we not drop this whole thing and move on boggles my mind. I am scared for our future if this is how the majority feels. It is a sad state of affairs.

I know I've been wrong about a lot of things, but this is just ludicrous. To me it's like gay marriage: no one is being victimized except for those seeking freedom from ridicule and disgrace. So just stop. Give it up. Swallow your damn stupid pride, and let's move on.

Why waste your time on such a pointless effort when there are far more crucial issues we can spend our resources on? We're basically in a recession, poverty is on the rise, as is unemployment. Middle class families are losing their homes. We are losing troops by the handful in two pointless wars, not to mention the hundreds of innocent civilians. Global warming, abortion, civil rights... the list goes on and on. And we are worried about a mascot who dances at halftime. Really?