Sunday, August 31, 2008

fuck the frats

beyond pleasure, beyond satisfaction. what i seek is not quite perfection...or is it? no, im not quite sure what it is. and yes, i pissed off the frat next door, so what? america

Saturday, August 30, 2008

the keyboard is my guitar. writing is so sweet. reading is cool too, but WRITING - oh so sweet. sweeter than the most delicious of tastes. so so indescribably awesome. though i am numb now. its annoying. right now talking seems so much more tempting. oh lordy lord, oh lordy lord.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

our elevator has no floor 4. thats because neither does our building... kinda sorta. it's a very interesting piece of architecture, and some crazy engineering - probably after a renovation where they changed things up quite a bit. my favorite part about the building (other than the people) is it's character (and not the character the people give it). its just got some kind of magical vibe that is entirely magnificent and intoxicating.
but back to the "4" - that number has some special significance today, so i am mad at the building for leaving out the four. they could have at least put a button in there and just made it play some music or something. elevator jukebox - awesome!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Solitude vs. Companionship: Round 1

In the blue corner....

Representing the states of seclusion and isolation, weighing in at a lonely "one," claiming the titles of hurting relationships, deliberate choice, contagious disease, disfiguring features, repulsive personal habits, or circumstances of employment or situation - the challenger of today's bought - SOLITUDE!!!

And in the red corner...

The reigning champion of interpersonal relationships, hailing from the state of happiness, unbeaten in all title matches involving others... COMPANIONSHIP!

"Well Marv, looks like we've got ourselves a real fight tonight!"

"That's right Skip. This match up couldn't be any more exciting: only one contender will prove himself victorious, only one man can come out on top!"

"Marv, you couldn't be any more right. Though, both corners have something to prove, and I think they both want to win this fight just as bad as each other. I'm predicting twelve rounds of closely contended competition, with a late KO by the true champ!"

"I hope you're right Skip! Either way I think we're in for one hell of a fight. Without further ado, let's get to it!"

Fighters, you know the rules - no lowblows or cheapshots, let's keep it clean. Knock gloves and let's begin!

"Both fighters look ready to go, it's been a grueling 3,000 some years of training for these guys. Oh, and Companionship takes an early hard throw, landing a haymaker to the right jaw of a slow-starting Solitude."

"Maybe Solitude is not as ready to go as we thought! He's looking weak out there!"

"Skip, maybe he's just intimidated by the eagerness of his opponent. This game is just as mental as it is psychical. I hope he can pull himself together..."

"He sure does look shaken up after that first hit, but I think it was the roars of the crowd, backing up their obvious favorite, Companionship."

"This is true, Solitude is a real underdog here. As a matter of fact, he's being booed right now as he heads back into his corner. What can he be thinking retreating this early in the fight?"

"Marv, the only thing I can imagine is running through his head right now, is that he's got to pull himself together very quickly before this fight turns ugly fast."

"He seems to be ignoring the advice of his trainer as he stares off into the crowd, looking more frightened now than ever."

"Well Marv, I have been covering these fights for a long time, and I have NEVER seen that look in a fighter before. But I have to disagree with you - he may appear scared, but I think that's a look of determination he mustered u[p from deep down within. I think he's ready to go..."

"Skip, you're right! Look at him go, he's throwing, one, two three in a row, what a combo! Wow, I think the table have turned. Just a little bit of mental focus is what he needed. Meanwhile Companionship doesn't know what to do. He's all alone out there, the crowd is stunned, they've become completely silent!"

"Well, the clock keeps ticking and he keeps throwing. These early effective blows are going to make a huge impact on the rest of this fight. We wouldn't want him to lose his energy though, there are eleven more rounds of this fight, and anything can happen!"

"Eleven rounds? I don't know that Companionship can recover now - this fight may be over early, thanks to the psychological game displayed by Solitude. Nobody expected this from him. But then again, he's Solitude - can we ever know what to predict from this guy!?"

"Well, the bell sounds and this round is over. After great start from Companionship, Solitude pulled something together, clearly taking this round."

blogging late, once again

ladies and gentlemen...


met some new neighbors today. good times. still feeling like the godfather around here - kinda cool, kinda out of my league. either way, overall im feeling good.
so good, im going to share the rough draft of a new poem with y'all:

they must need fixing
my curiosity clouds my judgment
so very cold, or seemingly so
racing thoughts make my head warm
my warmth will battle the cold

like i said, rough draft. its really only one verse.

sorry im so boring tonight. i had more interesting things to say... then i forgot them. simple as that. creativity comes and goes, but for me its mostly coming, im oh so grateful.

friends make me happy. i want more friends. imagine.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

monday campuswalk

greek. makes less sense upsidedown

fifth street? oh shit, i live on fourth... still getting to know my way around
i should steal this bike

Prez Tower- where Michael Jordans kid lives (hes not that great with the jumpshot btw)

ooh, a bike! wish i had one...
"welcome back students" thanks IHOP

Monday, August 25, 2008

late. 440. burning insomnia, frustration. a desire to expel this energy that delivering calzones does not fulfill. i help drunk, hungry people. i want to help more, better deserving individuals.

in due time.

talk about irony...

so technology has done me wrong.

the last post was so F'ed up and i really dunno why, but if you highlight the text after the killers quote youll get most of it.
there was more after the rambling at the end but its lost in space forever now.

soon to come....

ANOTHER hopefully error free entry


Online Friends (0)

...that can only mean one thing: It's writing time.

And by writing time I mean blogging/writing time.
Some of my blog entries can be very creative, while others are merely play-by-play of my awesome life. Life is pretty awesome, and (while we're talking about blogging) I can see how blogging could be the downfall of society.

I feel, everyone has something important and/or interesting to say. Therefor, hypothetically, everyone could have a blog.

Before Webster decided "blog" was a word, and before I had ANY idea what a blog was, I had heard of something called a "live journal." (Saying this kind of makes me feel old, like a lot of things have lately, but I try not to think too much about that.) I suppose, technically a blog is just that, a live journal. Sometimes I struggle with the idea of blogging. It seems like a waste of text- contributorial crap. Blogs have become primarily celebrity gossip (Perez Hitlon, Gawker, etc.), at least the most commercially successful examples. But, if we consider a blog a modern day diary. . .

Anne Frank, Lewis Carroll, Sylvia Plath, Virgina Woolf. . .

All authors of published and renowned works of literature. All diaries. Granted the lives of these individuals were extraordinary. But, who is to judge another's life? In my eyes, everyone's life is extraordinary, in some way or another. I have yet to meet someone and yawn at his or her introduction.
People intrigue me. (Hell, Anthropology is my intended major, well at least one of them - yes I am considering double majoring, and only one other person knows what that other major may be. Gotta leave some mystery in my life, lol.)

Back to the point. If you have anything interesting to say about anything, you can blog. Spilling your guts about your secret crush not required.

This said, if we all decided "hey, ya know what? I'm gonna take my passion, my ideas, my thoughts, my gossip, my life, my interests, my observations, my fears... and share them with whomever might be interested...," shit, we'd never have to be honest with anyone ever again. We'd go live our lives however we please, as long as that at the end of the day we could come home to our computer, in the comfort of solitude, and BLOG about our true feelings...

...well, I mean, I guess that would change the way we communicate altogether. WAIT! This is what is happening to us RIGHT NOW! We text, email, we write on each other's walls, and some of us even blog. Technology is great! It's progress, right?

Whatever the case might be, technology has taken had a ginormeous influence on us as a society and on our everyday lives. Good or bad, it is a big deal.

So, here I am blogging about how blogs are so terrible! WTF!? Lol (btw - oh, the irony! At least spell check doesn't accept the previous as ACTUAL words... yet.)

My point? Dunno that I have one (oh, and in case you were wondering, "dunno" is not underlined in squiggly red).
Actually, maybe that IS my point. We've all been instructed to follow these "rules" of the English language. Grammar, spelling, punctuation., blah blah blah! Who cares!? Really? Are you serious? You care more about me following inane, bullshit rules about how I should "structure" my thoughts, than you care about my thoughts themselves?

I suppose it shows a sense of responsibility, respect and competence. On the contrary (and oh yes, I love to play devil's advocate), but doesn't it kinda make you feel like a drone?

"I've got soul but I'm not a soldier"

Apparently, italics won't go off now, so bear with me.

Italics gone now, but BOLD on.

jesus christ, i need to find a new blogging site. technology at work right here. (oh and one more btw - both "jesus" and "christ" are not recognized by the spellcheck as real words. then again, neither is "spellcheck" lol. Jesus Christ. Oh there we go, had to capitalize that shit.

So, in bold, caps and courier, final thought:

Consider the following:

Everyone on Earth starts a blog. We start paying so much attention to our own blogs we no lon
ger have (oh and bold gone all of a sudden) (and there go the italics.) back to arial. nice. (except that "arial" has a goddamn red line under it!!!!)

Final thought (revised):

(italics back, not by choice)
our thoughts are way more important and significant than our words. words are mere representation of our thoughts. so, fuck every english teacher i ever had that was more concerned about where i put my commas and correct citation, than the content of my work!!!!!!!!!!!!!<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,<>

Friday, August 22, 2008

finally got the router dealy a' workin'

Words, just words for now.

The thingy with the other thing isnt connecting and making me hard to concentrate on the point.
Not to mention all the other distractions I had form my original point(s) tonight.

(anyhow, I apologize for any typographical errors due to the lack of technology this late late evening/early morning.)

So, for the second time in my life I worked a really late shift. The only one other time was at Ace Hardware in Wheaton when I worked an overnight shift to arrange/rearrange our overstock/warehouse. Tonight was a 9pm-3am shift at the D.P. Dough (it's a calzone place - btw all you champaignians/ubrana-ites should order from here, good stuff, especially when its delivered by me and i receive big tips) .

It was an extremely strange day, knowing that I had to work at 9PM. I mean, what the H am I supposed to do with the rest of my day? lol
Well, I was half productive and half unproductive, but it all worked out, I guess.
So, I was a bit panicky in the beginning. Hours before my shift started, I became restless and upset and nervous. But, when the time came, I pulled through. It was kinda slow at first, but it picked up. Tips were much better overall, than last time I worked. And I can only hope things will get better from here on out.

Driving around the CU area, campus and elsewhere, is very enlightening in some ways, and somewhat depressing in others, and still a bit comforting while being overbearing all at once. It is an experience and a half, to say the LEAST.

(omg, i swear i just heard someone call my name, brb)

Nope, nobody outside my door. And the note i slipped under my new "floormate," kyle's door, is still visible, so he obviously was not trying to wake me up, and has not read the note. (It's a letter confirming our anal escapade scheduled for tomorrow, er, or um - our "project" (sanding and restraining a sweet table he and Hannah found)).

Anyhow, back to my solitary adventures...
I was at first frightened, yes. But, when it time came to act, I feel I did well. Reading street signs and house numbers on buildings that are falling apart, while being distracted by the most scantily-dressed young females in the Midwest, and the obnoxious screams of retarded frat boys, is NOT an easy task. Especially when you have thrown yourself into a completely new environment like I have. It's fun though, and challenging; which I suppose it what makes it fun.

By the end of the night I was so tired, and so relaxed and somewhat empowered, that I couldn't wait to get home to my computer and blog about all the observations I had made.
I have never been on the CU campus so late (while sober, hehe). It's like visiting the ghosts of past, present and future.

A young man, stumbles down the street, cigarette in hand, struggling to stay awake.

A girl cries in her [assumed] boyfriend's arms, about god-knows-what.

A group of coeds laugh as they find their way back home, mocking the previously mentioned poor souls.

Another couple argues, from across the street. Eventually the guy crosses and asks the girl to "forgive" him. (She probably does.)

More groups pass by. Where have you been? I wonder. For the bars have been closed for over an hour.

I head to my room, five stories high, and a young man is trotting down the catwalk-of-a-balcony, looking confused, yet determined.
I figure he is lost, physically or otherwise...

I walk to my room, as if none of this has affected me, but it has. At the very least it has kept me away from my own thoughts, my own worries. I have observed the world and been thoroughly distracted, and it feels good. I feel calm.

I arrive in my room and try to settle in. I am worried about my worries, and the worries of those who are not so strange to me. I can not sleep. I can not even be comfortable. I must write. But before I do, I must retrieve some items from my car.

I go back down the elevator, five or so flights to the basement. I see a man: not quite 40, but not quite young, pacing, sobbing, upset, worried, anxious. I approach the man and inquire within. He says little, but I know enough to help the man. His name is Jeff and he is half Korean, though he doesn't look it. His parents own a laundromat and he is in a bind. I offer to drive Jeff downtown. He is grateful. I feel good.

I return home. I rest. I wind down. And the rest...
Well, the rest (as they say) is history.

COLLEGE - The easy way out.

Monday, August 18, 2008

the EVE

Tomorrow should be a good day.
<<< This, all of this mess and chaos (plus a lot more unseen), has to get crammed into a VW Golf and relocated a mere 177.35 miles SSE, tomorrow. Not the first time I've packed my life into a car and made a drastic move. Hopefully not the last. I am also hopeful that the next move is in my little Golf, though not AS drastic, or at least "drastic" in a different way, with less fear and more confidence.
Confidence: what I lack in this move; in my life in general. But Champaign will aid me in my efforts. As will God, karma, and positive thinking - and hopefully all my friends (old and new) who subscribe/read this blog. I promise it will get more interesting.
BTW, that is the point of this blog. I intend to keep you all informed of my new life- scratch that - revised life - scratch that- my life. I would hate to be a "born-again" anything. Life is a continuous stream, and can not be edited or even rearranged. Hence, no regrets. Only learning experiences. And also, a tough one to abide by, but: no problems, only opportunities. A boss once told me that, probably the only thing coming from his mouth that made ANY sense. It all goes back to positive outlook.

Heard a good phrase yesterday:

While searching for purpose, in lieu of asking 'what do I want from life,' ask 'what does life want from me.

In other words, one should not be overaggressive while seeking his/her path, but rather disregard and completely submit to his/her own consciousness; meditate, but not too hard.
Thank you, Leena Patel.
It works in almost every aspect of life, however, this particular quotation was taken from a financial conversation.

FINAL THOUGHT: Americans are the most interesting and inexplicable culture ever. It may be a foreign idea to many, but....
When an American looks in the mirror he/she sees him/herself as is, and rarely bothers to look deep down, through the body, the mind, the soul. On the contrary, the majority of the remainder of society- even our neighbors, Canada and Mexico- think in such an entirely different way.
For instance: we lock our doors to keep others out. In Canada they keep their doors unlocked. Locking doors is a foreign concept to them. In Canada, if you lock your door, you are locking yourself up, hiding from society.
A bit of a stretch from my point, but if you're smart (chances are if you're reading this, you are a genius, lol) you understand my point. I hope to refine it someday. That is pretty much what this blog is all about: me, my life, my feelings, thoughts and ideas - and turning those things into an informative dialogue.

Good night and God bless.

Sunday, August 17, 2008


here i come

an open letter to the UNIVERSE

its official, alert the press - ryan brokamp has the longest ever case of writers block ever recorded. i havent wrote anything for myself, that i TRULY wanted to write, since like, god knows when. except until i wrote this poem at work one day while i was bored:

A quick, sharp beam
A labial crescent upon the visage
Like the prevailing winds, dark clouds
Anticipation, electricity
The baton is raised
Bows descend toward strings
The first note, sharp and high
Horns erupt
Soprano, mezzo, contralto
The tones converge in choral perfection
Expressions mirror the beauty
Juvenilely coy yet acutely seductive
Infectious indeed, infallibly inspiring
Unmistakable, but each performance unique
The sweetest of symphonies

a poem i wrote. it made me feel SO good. so creative. so RYAN. i just want to share it with the world. and i did. its been entered into an international poetry competition. not to brag, just excited. and now i know im creative. i always knew, i guess. its just that the creativity i have always known i had, has finally manifested itself. i observe. i love. i am loved. i reconnect. i make new connections. and i create. i love creating, and expressing, and sharing. finally... an outlet. god it feels good

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Welcome to the jungle, we got fun AND games... but mostly just fun

<<< style="font-style: italic;">pr: blohg). Yes, a "blog." However, I think blogue sounds much more, eh, awesome. Anyhow, apt37 will be my residence for the next year. I will reside there and blogue from there. I am excited about this stage in my life. You see, (those of you who know my situation can skip over this to the next paragraph) I am 24 years old and have some community college credit under my belt, almost equivalent to an associates degree. But for 24, I feel just a tad "behind." It bothers me to a degree, but what bothers me more is the assumption that people make about me. I look young. I could pull myself off as an 18 year-old, fresh out of high school. And to be honest, my maturity level might just back that up - sometimes, lol. So, I'm rooming with a bunch of cool kids, slightly younger than myself (shoutout to apt37 and 39, woo, woo). Since my relationship with Jessica began, nearly four years ago, I've pretty much been the oldest guy in the room, 9 times out of 10, so this is nothing new. This isn't where I should end this paragraph, but I'm doing it for those reading this and are skipping to the next paragraph.

First off, I recently made a tough decision. I was accepted to the U of I, but I was advised by a really smart woman, that it would be in my best interest to attend Parkland College (the local community college in Champaign) and defer my acceptance to U of I until Spring semester (Jan. 09). This was a well thought out, financial decision on my part. (If you're curious I'll spill the details later.) So, for the Fall semester I will be a student at Parkland College, good times.

This was a kinda boring, informative blog, but more are to come. Better ones. Those of you who don't know me that well can find out who I really am - before you decide you either adore me or hate my guts.
For the rest of you, this will be your way of keeping up with me.

Final Thought: Easy, breezy, beautiful, COLORGIRL! (also a shameless endorsement. hey, somebodys gotta pay for this free blog.....)