Wednesday, April 29, 2009

R&R Reminiscing

Oh, I miss the good old days...

If you're a reader of this blog, chances are you know about the R&R, the wall of signatures, and the photo of said wall which was recently tagged with all of the people behind those signatures.

First of all, thanks for posting all of the memories everybody. And more importantly, thanks for the memories :)

The three years of living with Peters (and Brad for one of those years, along with whoever decided to crash on our couch, chairs, floor, toilet and balcony), were probably the best three years of my life. And from all of the comments, I'm pretty sure anyone and everyone that ever came to the R&R had a great time.

I still have good times now, but back then every weekend was a party at our place. We managed to cram 30, 40, 50 people in that little apartment on such a regular basis, we probably should have applied for a liquor license and charged admission. But I suppose if we did that, the cops would have busted us for underage drinking opening night.

Now everybody is all growned up, either graduated or about to graduate, moving on to bigger and better things. It's pretty awesome, but I still miss those good times - or as Bill put it, "the best times I'll never remember."
I remember some... lol

Three Turkey Tourneys, a couple New Years Eve parties, my 21st birthday, the Halloween bashes, countless barbecues, making Chili, getting entirely too wasted, and of course, all of the messes Peters and I were left with.

Lots of things have changed since all of that, but not a day goes by that I don't tell a story, talk to a friend, drink a beer, have a shot, hear a song, punchline or joke that reminds me of the good old days. I think Chessa put it best: I don't think I've had that much fun drinking since then :(

Don't get me wrong, there have been good times, and there are more good ones to come. For instance, the Fourth of July... R&R reunion, pending Brad's approval of course.

Anyhow, thanks once again for the memories kids. Time moves too fast, so dance like no one is watching. And by dance, I mean crash into my closet and knock it off the hinges...

Swine Flu: Just how dead are we?

We're so dead, thanks kid.

As I write this entry, there are 91 confirmed cases in the United States, and one confirmed death, in Texas.

So, is this bio-terrorism or just the result of poor petting zoo management? Do I have to give up bacon? How many hours do I have to live?

Don't worry kids, I'm here to answer all of your pressing questions, and maybe even SAVE YOUR LIFE!

According to the CDC, Swine Influenza is very similar to the human strain of the flu, BUT DEADLY! Of course, it's most deadly in young children and the elderly, so if you have kids, send them to boarding school and lock Grandpa up in the basement until this whole thing passes. (You can feed him all of the pork products left in your fridge - but handle with precaution!)

The CDC does state that you can not get swine flu from eating or preparing pork, but these are the same people who recommend wearing a face mask or respirator when in large crowds... You want to risk your life eating that bacon double cheeseburger? Stay the hell away from me, I'll stick with the original white meat, assuming that whole bird flu thing is over. That's done right?

Here are a few other pointers I recommend to keep your self safe and healthy:
-Shower occasionally
-Avoid crowds, especially of pigs
-Burn any and all clothing that may have come in contact with a farmer in the past three months
-Should you get sick, assume the worst and off yourself before you infect others
-Carry a bottle of an alcohol-based antibacterial as well as a bottle of alcohol-based booze with you at all times. You gotta kill the germs inside and out!
-For the time being, making out with strangers is prohibited
-Also, no pig sex (I'm assuming that's how this whole thing started, some drunken farmer...)

By my calculations we should all be dead in 48 hours, which means I have a few things to cross off the bucket list, like #47: cure West Nile.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Death and Perception

First, an impromptu poem.

You think you're just pulling down a curtain
But you're building a wall
While I'm walking away
And when the curtain is drawn
And the wall may crumble
I'll be gone, gone

Okay, moving on.

Lately, death has been on my mind. No one close to me has passed; not recently, or perhaps ever, but the subject has manifested itself within my mind on several meaningful occasions of late. So, I decided I would blog about something a bit different than usual. (Speaking of which, I am getting VERY mixed results from the most recent poll... which I like, but we'll see what comes of that.)

So, let me start out by stating that I have never had anyone terribly close to me die. The first funeral I attended was just a couple of years ago, for my paternal grandmother. It's not like I never knew her, or didn't love her. I was one of nearly 30 grandchildren, and some of my other cousins were much closer than me and my siblings. I almost felt guilty watching some of them cry at the wake and funeral.

I was honored, as one of the oldest grandsons, to be a pallbearer. It was a sad time, no doubt. I went to go see my grandmother in the hospital before she passed, while my siblings did not. Maybe I felt it was on obligation to my father...

But that brings me back to guilt.

One of the aforementioned "occasions" involved a close friend, also dealing with the coming passing of his grandmother. I felt the need to be there for him, but it's almost as if there was a lack of empathy on my part. I care about my friend, thus wanting to be there for him, but the truth is, I didn't have the right words to say, most likely due to that lack of empathy. Maybe my definition of "empathy" is inaccurate, but bottom line is, I did not have the same kind of relationship with my grandmother that he did (does) with his.

Fortunately, I have been blessed with a perception on the subject of death that has allowed me to share said perception with those grieving. It's a fairly complex theory, but essentially it's rhetoric falls along the lines of most Western religions.

"She'll always be a part of your life, he'll always be in your heart," mumbo-jumbo (I hate to call it that, but for lack of a better term...).

I'll probably be blogging more about this new perception I speak of quite a bit in the future (depending on the outcome of the poll of course, lol), but either way, it allowed me to give my friend some comforting words, at the very least.

Do you realize - that we're floating in space...
Do you realize - that everyone you know someday will die
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

It's quite an illusion.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Come Monday

So here it comes, buckle up kids...

Right now I'm feeling pretty good, loving life and just enjoying the here and now. Yes, I have been drinking, but I felt this way prior to the consumption of alcoholic beverages.

I have more than my fair share of worries right now, but it's like I was freed from the chains of anxiety tonight. I do not know what it was; maybe getting off work early and not having to work tomorrow, or just the freedom of the weekend, but magically all of my concerns vanished... I guess it's only life after all, right?

Speaking of life, I was sure mine was over. Jessica not only left me, but first toyed with my mind and heart, before leaving me for the "free-spirit" of frat boys and other miscellaneous douchebags. I was unemployed, then underemployed, then homeless, and I'm still broke.

But right now, I'm listening to Jimmy Buffet and dancing with a dog. (I'm not that drunk, just in a good mood.) And you know why I'm in such a good mood? Because of all that I do have in my life. I have a (while dysfunctional) great family, awesome friends- here in Champaign, back in the 'burbs, and scattered across the country. I have a roof over my head and a roommate who understands and is more than I could ever ask for (we're not gay). And as lame and cliche as it might sound, tomorrow is only a day away...

I have to focus on these positive things. As elementary as this might sound to most of you, I have struggled with this for quite awhile. I was, and still am in some ways, depressed. And the depression has little to do with my current state of affairs. I have been on and off meds for this bitch for over three years. It sucks, but hey, I'm still here to talk about it.

Suddenly my writers block makes sense. I have been wanting to write about my downfalls, my misfortunes and my depression. Don't get me wrong, it's important to understand what people like me are going through, but expressing the thoughts and feelings associated with mental illness is not an easy task.

With any sort of loss you go through phases. Denial, bargaining, acceptance... blah blah blah...
I just wanted to skip to the end. And I kind of did in a roundabout way. I am accepting the loss, but I'm still in anger mode in some ways. I can understand HER reasoning, but not her actions. And the fact that every other tweet is directed at or regarding me, tells me that she still cares, but not enough to accept me back into her life. (Hence, the anger.)

The bottom line is this: I WANT to move on. Am I ready? Maybe, maybe not.
Only one way to find out.

(I feel like that stupid broad from Sex and the City, without the wit.)

Peace out for now kids. Any comments/suggestions/criticism is MUCH appreciated.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I hope he...

Treats you like a princess
Makes your parents proud
Is a man
Is a gentleman
Likes GOOD music
Teaches you something
Makes you feel special
Doesn't hurt you
Takes you places you never dreamed of
Is not me


This is not my beautiful house
This is not my beautiful wife

Though I wish it was.
We should have been walking these streets together, but we're not.

And that's how it is now.
I wish I would have been prepared.

I messed up. Now I have to move on.
It's harder than I thought.

You'll laugh. Because you won.

Now I'm denied.
Your ghost haunts me, and forever will.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Bearing even more resemblance...

And is it just me, or does this remind anyone else of that Montauk Monster thingy?


50+ years prior...

Thanks to Noah for pointing this out.