Friday, October 31, 2008


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The world is a vampire

Idiots rule the world while smart guys like me sit at the computer in a lonely apartment, with barely enough money for food and shelter, let alone an education.

I have been optimistic for the great majority of my life, and I will continue to be so. But how can a person in the middle class not have pity for those on welfare?

UGHHHH!!! It all goes back to an entry from a week or two ago: We're all in this together.

As a writer, and an anthropologist, and a compassionate human being, my goal in life is to help make the blind see again. I want to show this half of the world the other side; rotate the globe if you will. We all have our paradigms, and as members of this [American] society, I believe we fail to see things how they really are. Ignorance is not bliss forever. Something must be done to fix this.

I know this is just one guy's blog, who only a handful of people actually read, but I have to start somewhere. I figured the internet would be a great resource for this. If you are reading this, please do more than comment. Please pass this blog on to at least one other person. I want to spread my messages to the world. I know I rant a lot about nothing, and complain, and post dumb shit sometimes, but I do that to grab the attention of my peers.

Solitude vs. Companionship: Round Three

After a long hiatus, the battle rages on...

“Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone.”

Companionship takes the round as Solitude falls to its own demise, loneliness...

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Monday, October 27, 2008

In the Spirit of TTV

(that's Turkey Tourney 5...)

A well-earned, much deserved and desperately needed THANK YOU. Thanks for giving, sharing, and just being who/what you are. (I'm in a really good mood, which makes me nervous that I'm manic, but whatevs, I can't sleep.) So here it goes...


Mike P - for sharing, caring and especially for the protonix. You Rock. Portia and I need you to stay :)

the good people at HEAVEmedia (namely Peters and Wes) for being so kind as to let me review CARDINOLOGY and publish my work.

My baby, for being so very understanding, lovely and beautiful.

the awesome folks at the Vermillion County Humane Society, for bringing your dogs to PetSmart and being extremely friendly and caring

the three families who adopted three of the aforementioned dogs (one of whom, former Gov (IL) JIM EDGAR)

My work friends, Brittney and Matt and their significant others who came out last night. (I apologize for passing out early and hope you had a great night)

RA & the Cards, for your great work and inspiration.

Al Gore, for inventing the internet and giving me an outlet.

Mom. 'Nuf said. Dad too. And the Steps.

ALL of my blog readers. Yes, all three of you. THANKS!

Karma - for biting me in the ass when I need it and rewarding me in due time.

Autumn. You finally came! Our brief stint with winter will be over in a day or two, and you'll be welcomed back just in time for Halloween. (btw, someone said it's snowing outside, awesome)

Winter. Just promise that you'll give us lots of snow down here in the Illinois Tropics, to go along with your forecasted crazy cold and longevity.

chris d from champaign - you leaked that thing right into my lap at the perfect time. now im getting published.

Portia - you are an awesome snake.

Washington. You let Notre Dame stomp all over you and let us show off our restructured D.

PetSmart, for the employment.

Texas, for giving me a state to hate with a passion.

Alaska, for giving us Palin porn and Palin jokes.

The Anchorage Daily News, for endorsing Obama.

Joe the plumber - for making McCain look like even more of a dumb fuck than he already is.

All of my friends, family, and God for your support.

Every award show ever, for allowing me to thanks the previous people.

Being thankful is something we should do much more often than once a year. It's fun and good for you. And it makes everyone else feel good.

Thanks for reading!

Cardinology: Reviewed

The pumpkin is carved and the Album will be released Tues 10.28 but you can listen online now, and read my review as of Mon 10.27 @ Heave!

Happy Halloween to the Cards!

Friday, October 24, 2008

A life lesson.

We are all in this together.

So often we forget so. As Westerners, namely Americans, we neglect this ideal entirely. We are selfish, intentionally ignorant and mean. I don't know whom we hate more, ourselves or each other. We pretend to hate "terrorists" and crime and evil, but these are just stereotypes that make life easier.

So quick to point fingers, without thought. We are the most irresponsible society in current existence. We worry more about our financial obligations than our social ones. By tending to our neighbors first we not only create good karma, but also relieve ourselves of ego and thus create better selves. Compassion is key. We overlook this constantly. It makes me sad.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

11.26.08 Gobble Gobble

Turkey Tourney Announced!

That is right MoFos, the FIF Annual Mariokart 64 Turkey Tourney will take place at Brad's place in Bartlett, IL on the day before Thanksgiving. Just over a month away from a new CHAMP! (or perhaps a repeat for our previous champ...?)

We are hoping for the biggest field yet: 64!

RSVP and RSVP stat! It's the fifth anniversary which means we need a record breaking crowd this year. It's gonna be crazy shit. As always, a nominal cover charge will be required, but it includes, registration, food and drink. Oh, and maybe even a cash prize. Gotta see where this shit goes....

We are planning extra early this year, in anticipation of a record-breaking outcome. Get ready for a completely revamped tourney...

For live, streaming updates on the Turkey Tourney, please JOIN TWITTER and FOLLOW ME!


Urbana is for Hippies and hicks and lovers (hippie, hick lovers)

10.21.08 crazycool day

Gas for $2.49? My eyes were not playing tricks on me, I saw it. Niel and I-74, the Mobil. Maybe they made a mistake.

I paid $2.79 at the Wal-Mart in BUFU Urbana. I was attempting to place my "grace period vote" because Illinois is the most fucked up bureaucracy ever. I barely made it there before the polls closed and the line was so long I was not going to make it back within my allotted 30 min lunch period, so I just said "fuck it, I'll just absentee vote in DuPage."

But let me tell you, Urbana is like mother fucking Kentucky. A dude bought ONE DOLLAR's worth of gasoline. And it was actually $1.01 and the cashier freaked on him. Everyone there has a thick, thick southern accent, and I think the tooth per capita is like 3.2. And they also move slow as shit, it's kinda funny.

That's just the tip of the iceberg, but that's all for now. Night night good people.

Monday, October 20, 2008

New Poll, D-Bag of the Week & More!!!

So, it's been crazy busy lately, thus, not many blog updates. So here is some stuff in brief.

- New Halloween poll added. Vote early and often!

- The newest addition to our apt fam may be added today, a Ball Python some woman didn't want and dropped off at work. I'll keep y'all informed.

- Colin Powell endorses Obama! Holy crap, with every Palin SNL appearance, the dems get closer and closer to the White House...

- I review the new Cardinals (Ryan Adams) album, Cardinology on HEAVE. Should be posted late this week/early next. Link will be provided, but in the meantime, check out HeaveMedia anyhow!


Frank Calabrese (R-Chamapaign) has decided to run against long-time 103rd district State Rep, Naomi Jakobsson (D-Urbana), in next month's election. 21-year old Calabrese has a whopping three years of experience in the Student Senate down here at U of I, where he is a History major, planning on graduating May of 2009. Check out his "issues" on the prick's website >>>
He addresses the economic crisis, corruption throughout state office, and of course, the pressing issue of reinstating the Chief! I bet that gets him a handful of votes from students who don't even realize this turd is a Republican.
Frank Calabrese, congratulations on the first ever D-Bag of the Week Award. If I pass you on campus I will most certainly defecate on your person.

- The World Series will be watched by a grand total of three people this year. Frank Caliendo, his terrible Dr. Phil impression, and his even worse Charles Barkley one. The old people in Florida will be sleeping, while the fans in Philly will be much more interested in their football team.

- Finally, there will be a Halloween party this Saturday at our place. That's APT 37/39 I guess. I'll be forwarding invites via Facebook, but let me know if you need more info. Oh, and I'm being Amy Winehouse, so don't even think about stealing my costume, bitches.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Creativity vs. Balance

An unseen force, like gravity
Bearing down on focus, sensibility, control

A rage within burns deep
My emotions yearn for permission

Wants and needs bundled into one
Confused, but brightly entangled

Begging for a slight push or shove
Desiring release, but with form

The struggle will continue
Until perfection is near

I must remain this way
Perseverance, only

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Great, so you're reaching out to small towns. I bet you play John Mellencamp in the background too.

So, smalltown people, do you really think the VP can do shit for you? I mean, maybe I'm missing something, but from where I'm standing it just looks like you are playing up your stereotype (ignorant white hick).

Politics is pretty lame. I prefer to believe politics is between people, individuals. If we all got along, helped each other out, truly cared about one another, I think we could do without so much government. Too bad we believe so little in ourselves, that we are willing to put our lives in the hands of retards on a power trip.

Wake up America!

oh, politics

Palin on Russia:

"It's very important when you consider even national-security issues with Russia as Putin rears his head and comes into the airspace of the United States of America. Where—where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border. It is from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there. They are right next to—to our state."

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

the amp is broken

there is a steady feed
but no sound echoing in my ears


Slightly lost, but headed in the general direction. Which is, as far from home as possible.
I fought off the geography, but something in me still shakes, begging to release [unknown].
Maybe I'll figure it out tomorrow, or perhaps never. Gotta keep rockin' either way.

One can learn to keep the mind still - fairly easy. Stilling the mind, not always the best thing. Calming, but dulling. Hardly satisfying. Need to master the art of mind control/chaos (since uncontrollable is a word but uncontroll is not). English language very stupid.

Rain already. RAIN! Does it bring the pain or deliver it? Regardless it comforts.


So many things

(get it? another riddle for y'all. kinda lame)






words are fun. blogs too. sexytime. night, maybe.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Personality and Outlook

Keeping a positive outlook is a discipline. It's tough, let's be honest. It is much easier to be fake in public, and then behind closed doors be so emo; much easier than to be yourself all the time, especially if yourself is not a very consistent person. When I say consistent, I refer to emotionally stability.

Three basic forms, though no one is a type: pendulums, metronomes, and tops.

You can either control your sway, let society control your sway, or give into the universe and be honest with yourself [chaotic sway].

Factoring in optimism, a pendulum knows when to be happy and honest, and when to go into hiding (low-key).
A metronome is essentially oblivious, or blissfully ignorant, thus maintaining optimism on a regular basis, and experiencing sadness and depression in correlation to society.
A top depends upon no one and everyone all at once. Therefor, a top is subject to a life based on it's own will. However, it makes very subtle choices of it's own, mostly initial, and allows it's chosen surroundings to take over.

Unlike it's counterparts, the top has many identities. Some good, some bad, happy and sad. It is the truest of all forms, though the most complex. No one top is the same, as is true of each of it's spins.


I am a human being, not an American, nor a Westerner, not even a civilian. I refuse to be labeled in such ways, specifically the first. And if I were an American, I would not be proud to be one.

I'm not saying this is a terrible place to live, or that everyone who considers him or herself an American is my enemy. Though I urge you all to reconsider.

Internationally, being an American has a negative stigma. There are bad AND good reasons for this. We fail to own up to them all. Instead we just discount the bad reasons and throw it back in the faces of said accusers. We are cowards, not to mention idiots.

We don't practice what we preach. It's a strange cultural thing I guess. Our norms and mores, rules and laws, and even some traditions are completely out of whack with "acceptable" and "unacceptable" behavior.

Our arrogance is ridiculous. Our collective ego is so big that it extends up into Canada and down to Mexico. We're the all-knowing Americans. Like we need the rest of the world to survive! We have WalMart, please! And a great big military.

Speaking of which; War, good god y'all, what is it good for?
When a little kid hits another kid, he is scolded by Mommy or Daddy and asked to apologize. In school if you get in a fight, you're punished, severely. You might even have to go to see a "conflict manager" or something of the like, to straighten out your issues. Don't even get me started on violence in the workplace. A co-worker shoots up the office, the nation reacts, wondering just what was wrong with this person? Who could be so screwed up? Why?
Bottom line: violence is a terrible thing, and we all know it. It's primal behavior, instinctual (hence the kids hitting each other) but we are humans, we've evolved (or magically stemmed from two people in a garden with a snake), we are intelligent enough to know that there are more civil ways to solve our differences. Oh wait, that is with other Americans. I mean, cross the border and if somebody steps on your toe you have every right to slaughter them, kidnap their children, rape their spouses, and if you're up for it, burn their village to the ground. Let freedom ring! Isn't "spreading democracy" grand?

If I moved to France, I would not want to be called French; Africa, not African; India, not Indian. I wouldn't even wanted to be called "Antarctic," and that's too bad because how badass would that be? I am part of a society that includes all people, form every region, culture and walk of life. I run across very few people I can not get along with, mostly because I hold no prejudices, or try my best not to at least.

So, Americans: Get off your high horses and spend some time down on Earth for a change. Yes, Earth, that round planet-thingy we share with more than just the Caribbean. (I know! There are other cool places to go on vacation, can you believe it?)

Oh, and word to your mother: You can't be proud to be something you were born into. Stop taking pride in things like your last name. Pride is a sick bastard. He fucks you up good. If taken in very small doses for the right reasons, it can be healthy for you, but it's best left to the professionals. Instead, be modest and compassionate. Ask: not what your [country/family/society/religion/houseplant] can do for me, but what I can do for my [country/family/society/religion/houseplant]. Yes, it's called karma. The favor we be returned, AND it will make you feel good inside.

Meditate on the following:

1) The last time you were selfish (if you can't remember you're either a saint or have selective memory). Think about who you hurt, or simply let down. Maybe it was yourself. Maybe it was just the universe. Apologize to who you have hurt or let down; first in your meditation, until you feel good enough about it to do so in person. Think about why you were selfish. Understand what it means to be selfish. Now understand selflessness. Try to be as selfless as you can next time you have the urge to be selfish. Help others first and you will be helped. Maintain optimism.

2) Apathy. Not for yourself, but for society, politics, and general issues regarding other people. Think, if you can, about the most underrepresented group in the world, whether it be a religion, a nation, a non-for-profit. Empathize with those individuals, not just the group, but the individuals who suffer from lack of representation. Get inside them, feel their pain, truly understand as best you can. Now be compassionate. You don't just want to care, you care. You want to help them. Reward is of no concern, you just have the will to ease their pain, as a fellow human being. Now relax, bring yourself back to reality, and write down your thoughts. Write a list of ten things you can do tomorrow to help people. Then do it. We'll talk more about this later.

3) You've done a lot of work. Take some time to relax, breathe deep and think about anything you want. Picture your ideal vacation spot and let your senses take over. Enjoy!

Thank you for reading this entry. It was an important one to me. You're smarter than I thought!

Go Cubs GO!

Don’t let anyone say that it’s just a game.
For I’ve seen other teams and it’s never the same.
When you’re born in Chicago, you’re blessed and you’re healed.
First time you walk into Wrigley Field.

Our heroes wear pinstripes; heroes in blue.
They give us the chance to feel like heroes too.
Whether we’ll win, and if we should lose,

We know someday we’ll go all the way.
Yeah! Someday we’ll go all the way.

We are one with the Cubs, with the Cubs we’re in love.
Yeah hold our head high as the underdog.
We are not fair weather but foul weather fans!
We’re like brothers in arms in the streets and the stands.

There’s magic in the ivy and the old scoreboard.
The same one I stared at as a kid keeping score.
A world full of greed I could never want more.

Someday we’ll go all the way.
Yeah! Someday we’ll go all the way.

And here’s to the men and the legends we’ve known.
Teaching us faith and giving us hope.
United we stand and united we’ll fall
Down to our knees the day we win it all.

Yeah Ernie Banks said, “Oh let’s play two.”
Or did he mean 200 years?
In the same ballpark, our diamond, our jewel.
The home of our joy and our tears.

Keeping traditions and wishes made new.
The place where our grandfathers’ fathers they grew.
A spiritual feeling if I ever knew.
And if you ain’t been I am sorry for you.

And when the day comes, when that last winning run,
And I’m crying and covered in beer.
I’ll look to the sky and know I was right.

To think someday we’ll go all the way,
Yeah! Someday we’ll go all the way.

I blame the assholes who didn't believe. Fair weather mother fuckers. You are not Cubs fans. You are just like the rest of 'em. I am a sinner for thinking otherwise.


And P.S. I give up.


Friday, October 3, 2008

MISSION: statement


Because Ryan Only Has Anthropological Means

(for the laymen, and me lol, I just want to fix society!)

Break the mold.
We are all individuals, though we must conform to an extent.
Be proud of yourself, but not too proud.

Share your ideals.
Do not let anyone judge, and do not judge others.
Instead, be open-minded. Push yourself to do so. Push!

Believe in yourself and others before you believe in the unseen. That believing only comes with self belief. Find yourself and be honest with what you find. This is a prerequisite for searching for deeper meaning. It will come, it will.

Discipline is key.

Meditation is optional, but highly recommended. Keep in mind sleep. It is the best form of meditation. But venture out towards further relief.

Together we can do this. Focus on these steps for now. I will not move on until we all are ready. Focus. Discipline. Quiet time. Think, not too critically, just reflect. DISCIPLINE. Keep at it. In time it will come.

We walk the walk accordingly but seldom, if ever, take time to reflect. Do so. Let the mind relax. It is the hardest working organ and needs rest. Let it do so....

riddle (not my lame poetry, a real riddle. whomever solves it WINS! (cash money and/or my respect)

an unknown.
many have searched for it, without success.
applicable to humans, many (but not all) societies, and the individual.
a broad term, loosely defined.
it has yet to be found; many claim it does not exist.
however, it exists, in some form or another.
not bigfoot, or the lochness monster, but assumed like the former.
controversial indeed.
it would solve many problems and cause many arguments.

can this shit be any easier? i dunno. first one to answer wins.

more or less a dialogue opener. but that's the nature of this blog's intentions.

blog blogs blog's blougues <<< for serious Google, "blog's" is the possessive of "blog." GET WITH IT!

Block and a half, but I try

Lately, my perception has changed. A paradigm shift, if you will.

Suddenly, or seemingly so, beauty has come in many new, and somewhat obscure forms. Or it is possible that I have been blindfolded all along and now I can really appreciate true beauty. I feel like a child in need of Ridalin. My mind can not focus on one thing for more than a blogsworth of time. Constant distraction is my illness. Though when thinking comes, it approaches a meditative state; dreams more lucid, thoughts more real, emotions bouncy (but true).

A lot to handle. A lot of fun. A lot like life, accordingly so.

Am I finding myself or losing my mind? Too many thin lines.

The silver lining, or perhaps the gold nugget: a creative mind with many ideas-a-flowin. Now, some direction would be nice.

Not really what I thought I would talk about tonight, but whatevs. I know that I owe more, but this is all my block can put out right now. Not that anyone reads my diary anyhow. Night everynobody!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

weak attempt or a beggers tune

For now it's all I got
But tomorrow

the kissing cousin of complicity

We try, we try
All we can do

Tomorrow, unknown
Yesterday, unforgiven
But we can not be afraid
At least not strangers

I will try
If you try
Only if you all
You all try

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

First of all, thank you everyone for voting in the latest poll - it ties the record for voter outcome thus far (and there is one day left)!

Pretty excited about that shit.

So, today was bad, but details will come in a later blog, if ever.

Now, I'm feelin' good. Pumped to start at Petsmart tomorrow!

Little let down by my roomies tonight but nothing personal, I'm just too picky when it comes to this shit, plus I am crabby today.

So, anyhow, VOTERS- give me some goddamn feedback, become a follower! I totally want this to be an interactive blog. Nine of you are obviously interested enough to vote in my polls, so let's get some dialogue going here!

Until next time (probably later tonight, cus its early), ROCK!!!

and blog

end blog