Monday, December 22, 2008

It's finally, kinda sorta beginning to [feel] like Christmas.

It's probably the change of venue, but this year, more than ever, Christmas seems less important. Maybe I've lost some faith, but it seems like there is more to it than that.
Looking back, I suppose the holiday has gradually lost it's intrigue. But Christmas is supposed to be that time of year when we all feel like children.

Problem #1: I always feel like a child.

I'm sure come Christmas Day, I'll be in the spirit along with everyone else. But if I were not headed home for Christmas (not entirely of my own interest), I can conceive a perfectly content day/night of solitude. Maybe I'd watch Christmas movies and weep alone. But to me, that's pretty fulfilling, at this point in my life (wherever that might be).

Nothing feels like home anymore. Maybe that is the problem. Yet, the only thing that tells me that it's a problem is society. I am fine the being alone on Christmas. I have been alone at many points in my life, we all have. So, what's Christmas, but another day?

Well, it's Christmas!, you might say. But, in my perfect world, everyday would be like Christmas; no hate, all love.

We pretend everything is okay on Christmas, though it never is. I'm not saying we should pretend everything is okay all the time, nothing would get solved. I am saying, if we demonstrated the compassion we had for each other and for life in general (like we do on Christmas) every day of our lives, life would be a lot better for all of us.

So, don't tell me "please come home for Christmas."

I don't need that. I need that kind of compassion on a regular basis. I need a friend when I need a friend; I can not help my needs. I feel bad for the rest of you.


Jessica said...

The fact that everyone should show compassion and consideration year round, is no excuse to bash the one time when people ACTUALLY do show it on Christmas. And sure, there are plenty of people who observe it for the wrong reasons and get caught up in the greed and stress of gifts. However, the majority find true enjoyment from seeing family and sharing something special with people you love.

I think it's ironic to go from practically playing Santa last year to Scrooge this year. The rest of us do not need your pity. And if you are talking about a time of giving others warmth and compassion, perhaps the statement "that is not what I need" is a bit selfish. If someone says "Please come home for Christmas" it does not mean that they do not want you any other time of the year. But it is that ESPECIALLY this time of year you are an important person. You are wanted. So a little compassion for those who still care about you enough to want you home, is not out of the question.

Of course being alone on Christmas can be peaceful after all the visiting. But if you can't help your needs perhaps your friends and family can't help that they need you to be in their company. They need a time that they CAN ask you to come home without feeling guilty about asking you to leave Champaign, or without getting the negative response you tend to display.

If you don't want to be around friends and family, if you don't want people who beg for your company, then don't spend it alone feeling sorry for us. Go to a soup kitchen, a homeless shelter, anywhere where you can touch SOMEONES life---even if it's not the people who hope they have touched you.