I hate everything my life has become OR I'm at the bottom looking up

I should be in bed right now, sleeping. I worked until 2AM this morning and am scheduled to be back at work at 9AM. I'm pretty sure that is against the law, but right now, beggars can't be choosers. Besides, it's only a three hour shift, before I hit the road for Rolling Meadows. Appointment with my P.O. (not really a P.O. but a)I don't know her real title and b) it sounds way more badass. Anyhow, I can't sleep so I might as well write, right?

My life has almost never been in my own control. It's had it's moments, but ultimately, I have just been along for the ride, taking the good with the bad.

Currently, it's a dichotomous mix. I am underemployed in a terrible job market. I am barely making ends meet. I am missing so many people, so many relationships I fucked over. (Specifically one.) But at the same time, I'm optimistic about the future. I am willing to start anew, and taking any and every opportunity that comes my way. A few have... mostly the ones that don't pay much, but a couple that could lead to better things...

Problem is, I don't have time to waste. Maybe that is why I can't sleep: I'm too worried that when I wake up, I'll be back where I started- an underemployed, lifeless version of the me that "could have been."

I just need a little help. Well, maybe more than a little, but not that much. I just need a few good words of wisdom, inspiration and hope. A few dollars. A few leads. A positive attitude, and the courage to stand up for myself, be confident and make some good decisions - not just one or two, but like five or six, consecutive good decisions that would send me down the right path.

Ok, so maybe I am asking for A LOT of help.

Anyhow, that's my peace for the night.

Night, all!