Earlier in the week I sent the following email to the Booze News seeking employment:
To the drunk to which it may concern,
I love booze. I am also a fan of news. 'Nuf said.
I'm a male, 24 years of age (yes, still attending school), I am a sagitarius, and I enjoy long walks on Green Street (preferably while intoxicated).
I have no formal education in journalism - if I did I would be a toolbag applying to the DI, eff that ess- but I am minoring in creative writing, among other things (hence, 24 and still in school).
The Booze News is my favorite thing to bring with my when I poop. It's short enough to read cover to cover in one dump-sitting, and then it doubles as TP!
I can not draw, but I do enjoying photographing things (i.e. naked women). I am not quite sure if this is a required job skill, but I figured I would throw it out there.
If positions are still available, your consideration is grateful. If not, fire the guy making the most money and I'll do his job for half the pay.
Should you require a resume or other fancy-pants application, references or proof of legality, I regret to inform you that I... no just kidding. Except about the legal part. (no, really, I am a citizen) For serious though, if you need that stuff or a more extensive writing sample, just hit me up. (Just a heads up, after 5 P.M. I'm usually in no condition to be talking on the phone, but then again I'm sure you speak Drunklish, so whenever is cool.)
Ryan Brokamp (look it up, I'm legal!)
Disclaimer: I do not use The Booze News to wipe my ass. That's what the DI is for.
And the response from the managing editor:
Loved the email. You definitely seem like someone who would fit well on staff. If it's alright with you, I'd like to meet up with you sometime soon just to get to know you a little better then have you come to a meeting. Let me know what works for you.
University of Illinois- Junior
The Booze News- Managing Editor
In case I haven't explained how freaking excited I am for this, let me tell you all one more time; this is going to be amazing. I can't wait to start writing for them. Still waiting to hear back about meeting from Danyel, but it's seems like I'm in. Should be a lot of drunken fun.